Monday, January 19, 2015

Perfection Takes Time

Lately our little (or not so little!) Greysen has become a wiggle machine!  Several times a day this little dude goes to work kicking and punching and flipping around inside my belly.  There are times that it looks like something is trying to escape from my insides!  Whenever this happens I always yell for Jonathan (when he's home) like it's the first time I'm seeing it.  And he usually drops everything and runs to have yet another peak at our tiny karate master.  Seeing and feeling him move from the outside is such a unique feeling.  It's strange and wonderful all at the same time!

For years I used to get discouraged when people would say "You just can't understand until you've experienced it...".  I still get a little sad in my heart when I think about this statement in regards to the many, many women I know and love who are still in the waiting process longing to share those experiences.  But I have to say, from my new perspective, that it's completely true.  Nobody could have ever accurately described to me what it would feel like to feel my baby boy growing and moving inside my own body.  Nobody could have prepared me for the love I would feel for this itty bitty little stranger whom I've never laid eyes on for real...

Greysen is so much a part of our family now...it's almost as if he was always there.  And I suppose, on some level, he always has been.  He's been in my heart, on my mind, in my prayers, all over my journaling for years.  Long before he was even an embryo.  But each day that passes, I swear I love him even more than before.  I am still amazed at his progress and his growth.  I am still awed by his movements inside of me even though at this point they are nothing new.  Each day it becomes more and more apparent in my heart and mind that I am not merely "pregnant", but that I am carrying around a living, growing CHILD with me everywhere I go.  When I'm driving by myself, I am not alone.  My Greysen is with me!  When I am working quietly on my grad school assignments, my little Greysen is hanging out with me.  What an odd and exciting thing to really wrap my brain around!

I remember that longing feeling before I was pregnant.  How much I wanted to know what it was like to carry a child in my womb.  How desperately I wanted that experience!  My heart still hopes and hurts for my sisters in waiting.  I know what that hurt is, and I know what the emptiness feels like.  But I also know that God is good...He wants the best for you...He won't leave you hanging!  And what you think you know or can fathom about being blessed with a pregnancy and/or a baby...you just have no idea.  God is going to eventually take your breath away with His blessings when that perfect time comes for you!  And it WILL be perfect timing.  The longing for motherhood is not a societal thing...it's a spiritual thing.  God created YOUR heart to be a Mommy.  And right now this minute He is preparing your heart, preparing your body, and preparing your mind to be the most perfect mother you can be.  In the words of my husband, "Perfection takes time."  And God wants PERFECTION in your life and in the life of your child!  He's painting that masterpiece right now and I promise eventually He will start unveiling little bits of it along the way.  And when He does, you will be overwhelmed by the beauty of His plan for you.  One day you'll understand...and when you do you won't be able to put what you're feeling into words...

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Pregnancy Weight Gain

So here I am more than halfway through my pregnancy and more than halfway through my second trimester.  Time is flying by so quickly!  Next week we move into our new apartment here in South Florida, and the week after that I board a plane heading west!  We have a baby shower in Oklahoma City on the 31st of January, and then another one the following weekend in Houston.  I am SO excited about getting showered with love and baby stuff for two back to back weekends!  Gifts have already started arriving and I frequently feel overwhelmed (in a good way!) with all the love there is out there for our sweet little Greysen and for me and Jonathan.  Man we are a blessed little family...our cups overflow!

Lately, I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma going on in my head.  Before getting pregnant it used to bug me when pregnant women would obsess over "getting their pre-baby body back".  I was bothered because I naively thought, "Geez...when the baby comes you'll lose lots of it!  Not to mention, give it up.  Your body will never be the same again."  I stress the word NAIVELY in this though.  Because now, in week 24 of pregnancy, I understand on a different level.  I cringe when I step onto a scale even though I really do know and understand that more than half of the extra weight I'm carrying is my baby, the organ I've grown to support him, and the fluid in my uterus.  But gosh if society hasn't messed with us women when it comes to weight and body image!  I have no logical reason to freak out about my 12 total pounds of weight gain.  No *logical* reason.  Yet here I am constantly thinking about that number and obsessing over how much of it will "go away" once my baby arrives...

It's SO stupid!  I mean really girls...it's STUPID to get discouraged over weight gain during pregnancy.  It's unavoidable!  And like I've said before, it's so incredible how our bodies change over time to accommodate the growth of our babies.  At least 1 of my 12 pounds is 100% Greysen.  And as he gets bigger, so will I!  And consequently, so will that number on the scale.  So I'm gonna resolve to continue eating the best things I can for my baby's health and try my darnedest to quit being so ridiculous about the number on the scale, or the added cellulite on my thighs, or that pudge that's forming in my neck/chin area.  In early May when my little boy makes his debut, I will see some radical weight loss, and that will be marvelous!  But my "pre-baby body" is a thing of the past.  I will never look the same again.  And praise God for that fact, because the alternative is that I keep my "pre-baby body" and never experience the amazing and miraculous things that my mommy body has gone through and will go through in pregnancy...

Greysen is worth it.  He is worth the aches and pains, he is worth the weight gain, he is worth the fatigue...he is worth every minute of discomfort and every change my body goes through.  HE is worth it ALL.  Shame on the media for getting in my head, but shame on me for forgetting the fact that it's just not about me anymore.  This is 40 weeks of pregnancy devoted to Greysen Neil Womack's growth and development inside my body, and the rest of my life devoted to being the best mother I can be to him.  He doesn't care one iota what I looked like before I gave birth to him...

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Getting Bigger Every Day!

One of the most amazing things that happens during pregnancy, I think, is the changes our bodies make to accommodate a growing baby.  Every morning when I wake up, I look at my baby bump in the mirror and just marvel at the fact that there is a baby in there.  A BABY!  And he has the most cozy little spot inside my body where he stays warm and safe.  For 40 weeks as my sweet boy grows, my body grows with him so there's never a point (until eviction day) that he is smooshed or uncomfortable.  Nowadays when Greysen really gets moving, we can see and feel him from the outside of my belly.  And we aren't talking little baby jabs...I mean rolling around full body movements that move my whole lower belly!  I like to think about what he's thinking when he's moving like that.  It's usually first thing in the morning when he's making those movements, and in my mind I'm imagining him stretching and yawning from a good night's sleep in my womb.  I love it when he rolls around partly because it reminds me that he's there and growing big and strong, and partly because I think it means he's happy and comfy.  He has his little routines already.  Honestly, if he keeps a similar schedule outside of my body as he has now on the inside, that would be glorious.  He is up and active for about 2 hours at a time, sometimes less.  He sleeps and is still for 4-6 hours in between.  His active times start around 7:30, 2:30, 8:30, and 11:00.  He no longer wakes me up at night with his little baby punches.  He rides low in my belly and usually lays on his side with his head on my right side.  I know this because even though I'm not always certain of what's an arm and what's a leg yet when I feel him from the outside, I DEFINITELY can feel the difference between a shoulder and a knee.  I feel his shoulder poking out of my belly on my right side nearly every day.  He still keeps those hands up by his chin.  I found out over Christmas that my Daddy sleeps on his side with his hands up by his chin like that.  I do it to when I sleep on my side (there's no belly sleeping these days!), but how cool that something like that is somewhat of a genetic predisposition??  Greyson is already trending after his Papa!

This little baby loves his Daddy already too.  He really loves it when Jonathan lays his head on my belly and talks to him.  I think Greysen likes his low deep voice.  Every time Jonathan talks to him, he moves.  I can tell already that Greysen is gonna be Daddy's little man.  Though I'm also certain he's gonna be a snuggle bug (albeit a wiggly one), so Mommy is gonna get her fair share of cuddles too.  Maybe more than my fair share if I have anything to say about it!  I haven't seen him on ultrasound since December 11th!  I have another perinatal appointment next week on the 12th and that's his last big ultrasound for a while.  I probably won't have another one until around week 34 or so.  I am still in disbelief that I'm more than halfway through my second trimester already.  My tiny baby is the size of a "mango" right now.  He's about 1.5 pounds and is almost a foot long!  It's a wonder my belly isn't WAY bigger than it actually is since he's gotten so big.  But honestly, even though my uterus isn't standing a foot past my pelvis at this point, Greysen is smooshing my other organs out of the way as he grows.  I've started experiencing a little shortness of breath as it's difficult to get a good deep breath with every inhale.  I can also acutely feel my kidneys pressed up against my back when Jonathan gives me back rubs.  And my gall bladder has started getting a bit crowded too which is presenting some...well...interesting side effects.  In the first half of my pregnancy I've only gained about 12 pounds, which I'm happy with.  Though Dr. Velarde is probably gonna kick my butt for the amount of those 12 total pounds that I gained over Christmas...  Yikes!  I actually called her office Tuesday to tell the nurse that I'd taken a big weight jump this month.  She laughed and said it was no big deal, but being the perfectionist pleaser that I am, I still felt a little guilty...

All in all, though, I can't complain.  This pregnancy has had its irritations and difficulties, but really it's been a breeze.  Minimal nausea, minor aches and pains, few weird pregnancy symptoms (i.e.-carpel tunnel).  I mean really, for as much as my body went through just to get Greysen growing, you'd think this pregnancy would be much more dramatic.  But it isn't.  Greysen is growing perfectly, my body is changing and growing to accommodate him, and my health statistics (weight, blood pressure, iron levels, etc.) are textbook.  I still feel like we are driving down that road full of stop lights that all turn green at once.  My body is finally getting to do what it's been wanting to do for so long and it's seriously a CHAMP at it man!  Every day I think about how much I want to meet our sweet baby and hold him and love him.  And at the same time I think how I would love for him to be as safe and happy and warm as he is right now for the rest of his life.  The mommy conundrum...or maybe one of the many!

For now, we wait patiently for another 17 weeks for our precious miracle to arrive.  In the meantime we are enjoying watching and feeling him grow from the inside and marveling at just how incredible this whole process is.  We love you already Greysen!!