While this post has the potential to insight some controversy (since I know there are a handful of people on my Facebook friend list who will completely disagree with me on this), I am feeling rather "soapbox-y" this evening. I've been wanting to write this post for a while! If you've ever been around me when this topic arises, you've heard all these things before. I've had these opinions since long before I was pregnant, but now that I've got a baby on the way I've become somewhat "mama bear" about this issue. Sooooo...without further ado, here are my 2 cents about vaccinations:
First, let me start by saying that yes, without a doubt, I believe the argument AGAINST vaccinations no longer holds water. I could list all the reasons why, but the bottom line is that research does NOT support the main arguments that are presented. Let me squash a few:
These outbreaks of diseases like measles are not being spread just by people who are exercising their right to not vaccinate their kids.
For decades there have been people refusing vaccinations either for religious reasons or because their children were in a medical situation that put them at a high risk for complications arising from the administration of vaccines. Yet somehow, in the last 6 months, those diseases have reached a fever pitch in our country. So what the heck has changed?? I would venture to guess that the children who are unable to get vaccinated for health reasons and the children whose religious backgrounds dictate that they cannot get vaccinated has not changed much if at all. What HAS changed is the number of people who have "jumped ship" on vaccinations for their children because of this asinine "anti-vaxxer" movement. THAT number has increased in the past few years. Seems to me that the evidence is clear where the problem is. No, these unvaccinated kids aren't "carrying around diseases". But there are people coming in and out of this country who ARE and when there is no longer a herd immunity because all these parents are "exercising their right not to vaccinate", that's when these diseases start getting spread. Brought in from places that have little to no access to vaccines (or no expectations therein), spread to the "exercisers", who then spread it to others who cannot be vaccinated. Seems logical to me...
Vaccinations are all about the big drug companies making money. Fight the man!
Um...no. Just no. Have you ever worked in a medical clinic? How about a free medical clinic? My husband has. Just before school started every year there was a line out the door for weeks at a time all day long with people bringing their children to get vaccinated. FOR FREE! Have you ever seen a ledger from a general practice clinic outlining the cost of vaccinations? I have. And neither the government, the drug companies, nor the clinic are making much of anything off these vaccinations. That is most certainly true about regular clinics too...not just free clinics. And you're "exercising your right not to vaccinate" is not really doing much to "stick it to the man". Especially since you're STILL paying for healthcare FROM THE GOVERNMENT anyway. Let me ALSO say that deciding that doctors don't know enough really pisses me off. These people have to go to 4 years of medical school, at least 3 years of a residency, usually several years of a fellowship after that, etc. etc. in order to credibly put M.D. behind their name. They are EXPERTS. Imagine if you had been trained in your profession that long and working in your field for even longer and someone who was completely untrained tried to accuse you of not knowing what you're talking about. So why do we disrespect doctors in this way?? I agree with being informed. I DISAGREE with being informed and still refusing to take the learned advice of a professional because you've decided the "have it out for you"...
Vaccines put children at risk.
Yes. This argument is *slightly* true. There are certain genetic make ups that can interact with vaccinations and cause brain damage and loss of motor control. Is this a reason NOT to vaccinate your children? Absolutely and positively NO. Here's a thought. If you're that concerned that your child might be at risk, use that government issued healthcare, go to a geneticist, get some blood drawn, and see for yourself whether your child is truly at risk. If they're not, get them vaccinated. Because if you're so concerned with putting them at risk, seems to me that your odds of picking up a communicable disease are much, MUCH higher than they are that your child has a rare genetic make up that makes getting a vaccination deadly. And that's true whether you get genetic testing or not.
The healthcare industry and the government use scare tactics about communicable diseases to freak people out. People got those illnesses for years without vaccinations and they survived. These diseases are not as bad as they're made out to be.
Again...this is ignorant. Ask someone who had measles, or someone who had mumps. Heck...I had chicken pox and I know there have been people whose children have died or been severely disabled from a bad case of them. These diseases are no joke! Do you know what tetanus does to your body when you contract it? It makes you convulse and seize to the point that your muscles snap your bones and they tear through your skin. Personally...just the thought of my Greysen having even the slightest tinge of something like that, even if it wasn't to the full extent, terrifies me. Not because someone "used a scare tactic", but because MEDICAL RESEARCH shows these things to be true. It's not fair for me to put him at risk like that. Why would I?? If there is a way to prevent a disease, no matter what that disease is, you better believe I will be making the choice to give my child his best fighting chance. There are certainly plenty of other crappy things in this world that I don't have control over how they effect my child.
I have the right to make decisions about my child's health.
Yes. Yes you do. And so do I. I have the right to decide whether my son will be circumcised or not. I have the right to decide whether my child is well enough to go to school on any given day. I have the right to decide what medicines I will and will not be giving my son. Etc., etc., etc. You are correct that as a parent, the decisions about your child's health fall into your hands alone until he/she is able to make those decisions soundly for themselves. However (this is a big however), you exercising your right not to vaccinate your child does not give you the right to put my child at risk. If you choose not to vaccinate your child, you choose to give up other rights. Or you should. Your child shouldn't be allowed to go to public school with my child, you should give up the right to take your child who presents with measles (or any other disease that can be passed to other children) to the doctors you refused to listen to, you should give up the right to go to places like Disneyland where there are thousands of children who are put at risk but your child's lack of immunity. I HAVE THE RIGHT to deliver my baby boy in a hospital in a few weeks and NOT be terrified that his tiny little infant body could contract one of these diseases in the hospital before he is old enough to be vaccinated. Explain to me how that is at all right??
I could probably go on for hours and hours about this, but I won't. The bottom line is that vaccinations are not a scare tactic, they are not as risky as "anti-vaxxers" would have you believe, and doctors are not just a bunch of moron lemmings. Yes, please inform yourself of BOTH sides of the fence. Hit up www.snopes.com and double check on all those "anti-vaccination" articles you see floating around Facebook. For that matter, hit it up about the articles you see about those unvaccinated children who have died from contracting preventable diseases. Be sure to prepare yourself though. The truth about both of those sides of the fence might shock you. Please be informed, but PLEASE listen to sound logic from trained professionals. And trust me when I tell you that doctors have no vested interest in "duping" you. Frankly, what they gain from encouraging you to vaccinate your children is that they don't have to try desperately to save YOUR child from the crippling effects of these diseases. They want to go home to their families without the black cloud of the death of YOUR child on their hearts and minds. So from the wife of a soon-to-be doctor, vaccinate your children. If not for all the logical reasons, then for the emotional reason of keeping my husband from having to experience a failed attempt at saving a child or an adult from a disease that could have easily been prevented...
Friday, February 27, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
The World Needs You Right Now, My Love...
Off I head to baby showers!!
I still can’t believe it’s already that time. I am writing this blog while I sit on the
last airplane ride I’ll be taking before my son arrives. Lesson learned, though. I brought one of those flip top water bottles
with me this trip (trying to stay hydrated and stave off the nausea that
usually happens on plane rides during this pregnancy) and once we had reached
our cruising altitude I flipped open the top and my water came spraying out
like Old Faithful. ALL OVER ME! The window was dripping, I was dripping. Ugh! I
had put a pair of PJ pants in my carry on at the last minute and thank goodness
for them. They served as the perfect
mop. Sadly, though, I am now covered in
water and my top and pants are soaked.
From now on, I’ll know to relieve the pressure in the bottle before I
open it…sheesh!
On a different note, I was inspired to write this post today
by a comment a friend of mine made on a Facebook status of mine. Just yesterday one my “IVF sisters” gave
birth to her sweet baby girl! What a
miracle and what a sweet reminder of God’s intentions to complete what He
starts in us. She named her Rachel
Elizabeth…which is my given name too!
She did not name her after me, but it was an incredible
coincidence that Rachel Elizabeth was the name she and her husband had picked
out years ago. Long before she met me,
long before she began her road of infertility.
How incredible is it that God sent her that name?? The name of two women in the Bible who
struggled with infertility and whom God VERY graciously blessed with babies who
were pivotal in His ultimate plan. And
then along I came and our friendship grew quickly into one of encouragement and
faith. Her journey was my inspiration to
keep pushing through my own IVF journey and her constant encouraging words were
like literal pillars of strength for me at times. Yesterday her dream became a reality, and I
am blessed to share her sweet daughter’s name.
God is just so incredible…isn’t He??
My status yesterday said this:
Over the moon excited for my sweet friend who will be welcoming her
sweet baby into the world today!! Seems
like yesterday that the two of us were spurring each other on in faith with
hopes that one day we would be celebrating together the arrival of both a
Blankenship baby and a Womack baby. God
is SO good!!
Her response was:
It is so special and God is so good!
The world needs Rachel Blankenship and Greysen Womack at this very time…
And this is one of those moments when I realize how small I
am in comparison to God’s ultimate purpose for His world and His people. How humbled I am when I consider the fact
that He has entrusted ME with carrying and raising one of His people who will
be a part of His purpose. For how many
years did I cry because I just didn’t get it?
I didn’t understand why the heck He wouldn’t allow me to get
pregnant. I thought He didn’t think I
would be a good enough mother. I had
decided He just didn’t want Jonathan and I to be parents. When all along, He saw the whole picture. He knew my Greysen had a purpose in His
plan. If his arrival had been sooner
than now, it just would not have been right.
He needs Greysen now. Right
now. It’s exciting and daunting to
consider what it is that God has in store for my sweet baby. It’s gotta be something big though. The best things in life are worth waiting
for, and when God makes you wait for something…you just have to believe it’s
for an incredible purpose. That purpose,
however, is bigger than me. I get the
fringe benefits of the miracle of pregnancy.
I get the perks of getting to carry a baby in my womb. But more importantly I get to sit back and
marvel at what God has in store for Greysen’s life. I get to be a spectator in the marvelous plan
God has for him and I get to be a part of his journey.
When I really let it sink in that God has incredible plans
for Greysen, I get goose bumps. I am a part of God’s ultimate
plan for Greysen. God is trusting me to carry him in my womb and create the perfect
environment for him to grow and develop.
He is trusting me to
make the right parenting decisions that will ultimately lead Greysen to a
saving knowledge of who God is. I have been given a big task in
God’s master plan. Whose lives will
Greysen touch? Who will know Jesus
Christ because of my sweet boy? What
marvelous things will this world experience because my handsome Greysen trusts
God enough to follow His plan? The
prospects are deliriously exciting…
So yes…the world needs Rachel Blankenship and Greysen Womack
right now. God has a plan, a purpose, a
goal in mind that is so much bigger than just one of us. The road I have walked to get here has been a
tough one, yes, but it has not been in vain.
It has been for ultimately a Heavenly purpose, and I can’t help but
praise my God for deeming me worthy enough to have this much of a part in His
plan. God is good ALL the time…even when
we have no idea why He is doing what He is doing…
Monday, January 19, 2015
Perfection Takes Time
Lately our little (or not so little!) Greysen has become a wiggle machine! Several times a day this little dude goes to work kicking and punching and flipping around inside my belly. There are times that it looks like something is trying to escape from my insides! Whenever this happens I always yell for Jonathan (when he's home) like it's the first time I'm seeing it. And he usually drops everything and runs to have yet another peak at our tiny karate master. Seeing and feeling him move from the outside is such a unique feeling. It's strange and wonderful all at the same time!
For years I used to get discouraged when people would say "You just can't understand until you've experienced it...". I still get a little sad in my heart when I think about this statement in regards to the many, many women I know and love who are still in the waiting process longing to share those experiences. But I have to say, from my new perspective, that it's completely true. Nobody could have ever accurately described to me what it would feel like to feel my baby boy growing and moving inside my own body. Nobody could have prepared me for the love I would feel for this itty bitty little stranger whom I've never laid eyes on for real...
Greysen is so much a part of our family now...it's almost as if he was always there. And I suppose, on some level, he always has been. He's been in my heart, on my mind, in my prayers, all over my journaling for years. Long before he was even an embryo. But each day that passes, I swear I love him even more than before. I am still amazed at his progress and his growth. I am still awed by his movements inside of me even though at this point they are nothing new. Each day it becomes more and more apparent in my heart and mind that I am not merely "pregnant", but that I am carrying around a living, growing CHILD with me everywhere I go. When I'm driving by myself, I am not alone. My Greysen is with me! When I am working quietly on my grad school assignments, my little Greysen is hanging out with me. What an odd and exciting thing to really wrap my brain around!
I remember that longing feeling before I was pregnant. How much I wanted to know what it was like to carry a child in my womb. How desperately I wanted that experience! My heart still hopes and hurts for my sisters in waiting. I know what that hurt is, and I know what the emptiness feels like. But I also know that God is good...He wants the best for you...He won't leave you hanging! And what you think you know or can fathom about being blessed with a pregnancy and/or a baby...you just have no idea. God is going to eventually take your breath away with His blessings when that perfect time comes for you! And it WILL be perfect timing. The longing for motherhood is not a societal thing...it's a spiritual thing. God created YOUR heart to be a Mommy. And right now this minute He is preparing your heart, preparing your body, and preparing your mind to be the most perfect mother you can be. In the words of my husband, "Perfection takes time." And God wants PERFECTION in your life and in the life of your child! He's painting that masterpiece right now and I promise eventually He will start unveiling little bits of it along the way. And when He does, you will be overwhelmed by the beauty of His plan for you. One day you'll understand...and when you do you won't be able to put what you're feeling into words...
For years I used to get discouraged when people would say "You just can't understand until you've experienced it...". I still get a little sad in my heart when I think about this statement in regards to the many, many women I know and love who are still in the waiting process longing to share those experiences. But I have to say, from my new perspective, that it's completely true. Nobody could have ever accurately described to me what it would feel like to feel my baby boy growing and moving inside my own body. Nobody could have prepared me for the love I would feel for this itty bitty little stranger whom I've never laid eyes on for real...
Greysen is so much a part of our family now...it's almost as if he was always there. And I suppose, on some level, he always has been. He's been in my heart, on my mind, in my prayers, all over my journaling for years. Long before he was even an embryo. But each day that passes, I swear I love him even more than before. I am still amazed at his progress and his growth. I am still awed by his movements inside of me even though at this point they are nothing new. Each day it becomes more and more apparent in my heart and mind that I am not merely "pregnant", but that I am carrying around a living, growing CHILD with me everywhere I go. When I'm driving by myself, I am not alone. My Greysen is with me! When I am working quietly on my grad school assignments, my little Greysen is hanging out with me. What an odd and exciting thing to really wrap my brain around!
I remember that longing feeling before I was pregnant. How much I wanted to know what it was like to carry a child in my womb. How desperately I wanted that experience! My heart still hopes and hurts for my sisters in waiting. I know what that hurt is, and I know what the emptiness feels like. But I also know that God is good...He wants the best for you...He won't leave you hanging! And what you think you know or can fathom about being blessed with a pregnancy and/or a baby...you just have no idea. God is going to eventually take your breath away with His blessings when that perfect time comes for you! And it WILL be perfect timing. The longing for motherhood is not a societal thing...it's a spiritual thing. God created YOUR heart to be a Mommy. And right now this minute He is preparing your heart, preparing your body, and preparing your mind to be the most perfect mother you can be. In the words of my husband, "Perfection takes time." And God wants PERFECTION in your life and in the life of your child! He's painting that masterpiece right now and I promise eventually He will start unveiling little bits of it along the way. And when He does, you will be overwhelmed by the beauty of His plan for you. One day you'll understand...and when you do you won't be able to put what you're feeling into words...
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Pregnancy Weight Gain
So here I am more than halfway through my pregnancy and more than halfway through my second trimester. Time is flying by so quickly! Next week we move into our new apartment here in South Florida, and the week after that I board a plane heading west! We have a baby shower in Oklahoma City on the 31st of January, and then another one the following weekend in Houston. I am SO excited about getting showered with love and baby stuff for two back to back weekends! Gifts have already started arriving and I frequently feel overwhelmed (in a good way!) with all the love there is out there for our sweet little Greysen and for me and Jonathan. Man we are a blessed little family...our cups overflow!
Lately, I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma going on in my head. Before getting pregnant it used to bug me when pregnant women would obsess over "getting their pre-baby body back". I was bothered because I naively thought, "Geez...when the baby comes you'll lose lots of it! Not to mention, give it up. Your body will never be the same again." I stress the word NAIVELY in this though. Because now, in week 24 of pregnancy, I understand on a different level. I cringe when I step onto a scale even though I really do know and understand that more than half of the extra weight I'm carrying is my baby, the organ I've grown to support him, and the fluid in my uterus. But gosh if society hasn't messed with us women when it comes to weight and body image! I have no logical reason to freak out about my 12 total pounds of weight gain. No *logical* reason. Yet here I am constantly thinking about that number and obsessing over how much of it will "go away" once my baby arrives...
It's SO stupid! I mean really girls...it's STUPID to get discouraged over weight gain during pregnancy. It's unavoidable! And like I've said before, it's so incredible how our bodies change over time to accommodate the growth of our babies. At least 1 of my 12 pounds is 100% Greysen. And as he gets bigger, so will I! And consequently, so will that number on the scale. So I'm gonna resolve to continue eating the best things I can for my baby's health and try my darnedest to quit being so ridiculous about the number on the scale, or the added cellulite on my thighs, or that pudge that's forming in my neck/chin area. In early May when my little boy makes his debut, I will see some radical weight loss, and that will be marvelous! But my "pre-baby body" is a thing of the past. I will never look the same again. And praise God for that fact, because the alternative is that I keep my "pre-baby body" and never experience the amazing and miraculous things that my mommy body has gone through and will go through in pregnancy...
Greysen is worth it. He is worth the aches and pains, he is worth the weight gain, he is worth the fatigue...he is worth every minute of discomfort and every change my body goes through. HE is worth it ALL. Shame on the media for getting in my head, but shame on me for forgetting the fact that it's just not about me anymore. This is 40 weeks of pregnancy devoted to Greysen Neil Womack's growth and development inside my body, and the rest of my life devoted to being the best mother I can be to him. He doesn't care one iota what I looked like before I gave birth to him...
Lately, I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma going on in my head. Before getting pregnant it used to bug me when pregnant women would obsess over "getting their pre-baby body back". I was bothered because I naively thought, "Geez...when the baby comes you'll lose lots of it! Not to mention, give it up. Your body will never be the same again." I stress the word NAIVELY in this though. Because now, in week 24 of pregnancy, I understand on a different level. I cringe when I step onto a scale even though I really do know and understand that more than half of the extra weight I'm carrying is my baby, the organ I've grown to support him, and the fluid in my uterus. But gosh if society hasn't messed with us women when it comes to weight and body image! I have no logical reason to freak out about my 12 total pounds of weight gain. No *logical* reason. Yet here I am constantly thinking about that number and obsessing over how much of it will "go away" once my baby arrives...
It's SO stupid! I mean really girls...it's STUPID to get discouraged over weight gain during pregnancy. It's unavoidable! And like I've said before, it's so incredible how our bodies change over time to accommodate the growth of our babies. At least 1 of my 12 pounds is 100% Greysen. And as he gets bigger, so will I! And consequently, so will that number on the scale. So I'm gonna resolve to continue eating the best things I can for my baby's health and try my darnedest to quit being so ridiculous about the number on the scale, or the added cellulite on my thighs, or that pudge that's forming in my neck/chin area. In early May when my little boy makes his debut, I will see some radical weight loss, and that will be marvelous! But my "pre-baby body" is a thing of the past. I will never look the same again. And praise God for that fact, because the alternative is that I keep my "pre-baby body" and never experience the amazing and miraculous things that my mommy body has gone through and will go through in pregnancy...
Greysen is worth it. He is worth the aches and pains, he is worth the weight gain, he is worth the fatigue...he is worth every minute of discomfort and every change my body goes through. HE is worth it ALL. Shame on the media for getting in my head, but shame on me for forgetting the fact that it's just not about me anymore. This is 40 weeks of pregnancy devoted to Greysen Neil Womack's growth and development inside my body, and the rest of my life devoted to being the best mother I can be to him. He doesn't care one iota what I looked like before I gave birth to him...
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Getting Bigger Every Day!
One of the most amazing things that happens during pregnancy, I think, is the changes our bodies make to accommodate a growing baby. Every morning when I wake up, I look at my baby bump in the mirror and just marvel at the fact that there is a baby in there. A BABY! And he has the most cozy little spot inside my body where he stays warm and safe. For 40 weeks as my sweet boy grows, my body grows with him so there's never a point (until eviction day) that he is smooshed or uncomfortable. Nowadays when Greysen really gets moving, we can see and feel him from the outside of my belly. And we aren't talking little baby jabs...I mean rolling around full body movements that move my whole lower belly! I like to think about what he's thinking when he's moving like that. It's usually first thing in the morning when he's making those movements, and in my mind I'm imagining him stretching and yawning from a good night's sleep in my womb. I love it when he rolls around partly because it reminds me that he's there and growing big and strong, and partly because I think it means he's happy and comfy. He has his little routines already. Honestly, if he keeps a similar schedule outside of my body as he has now on the inside, that would be glorious. He is up and active for about 2 hours at a time, sometimes less. He sleeps and is still for 4-6 hours in between. His active times start around 7:30, 2:30, 8:30, and 11:00. He no longer wakes me up at night with his little baby punches. He rides low in my belly and usually lays on his side with his head on my right side. I know this because even though I'm not always certain of what's an arm and what's a leg yet when I feel him from the outside, I DEFINITELY can feel the difference between a shoulder and a knee. I feel his shoulder poking out of my belly on my right side nearly every day. He still keeps those hands up by his chin. I found out over Christmas that my Daddy sleeps on his side with his hands up by his chin like that. I do it to when I sleep on my side (there's no belly sleeping these days!), but how cool that something like that is somewhat of a genetic predisposition?? Greyson is already trending after his Papa!
This little baby loves his Daddy already too. He really loves it when Jonathan lays his head on my belly and talks to him. I think Greysen likes his low deep voice. Every time Jonathan talks to him, he moves. I can tell already that Greysen is gonna be Daddy's little man. Though I'm also certain he's gonna be a snuggle bug (albeit a wiggly one), so Mommy is gonna get her fair share of cuddles too. Maybe more than my fair share if I have anything to say about it! I haven't seen him on ultrasound since December 11th! I have another perinatal appointment next week on the 12th and that's his last big ultrasound for a while. I probably won't have another one until around week 34 or so. I am still in disbelief that I'm more than halfway through my second trimester already. My tiny baby is the size of a "mango" right now. He's about 1.5 pounds and is almost a foot long! It's a wonder my belly isn't WAY bigger than it actually is since he's gotten so big. But honestly, even though my uterus isn't standing a foot past my pelvis at this point, Greysen is smooshing my other organs out of the way as he grows. I've started experiencing a little shortness of breath as it's difficult to get a good deep breath with every inhale. I can also acutely feel my kidneys pressed up against my back when Jonathan gives me back rubs. And my gall bladder has started getting a bit crowded too which is presenting some...well...interesting side effects. In the first half of my pregnancy I've only gained about 12 pounds, which I'm happy with. Though Dr. Velarde is probably gonna kick my butt for the amount of those 12 total pounds that I gained over Christmas... Yikes! I actually called her office Tuesday to tell the nurse that I'd taken a big weight jump this month. She laughed and said it was no big deal, but being the perfectionist pleaser that I am, I still felt a little guilty...
All in all, though, I can't complain. This pregnancy has had its irritations and difficulties, but really it's been a breeze. Minimal nausea, minor aches and pains, few weird pregnancy symptoms (i.e.-carpel tunnel). I mean really, for as much as my body went through just to get Greysen growing, you'd think this pregnancy would be much more dramatic. But it isn't. Greysen is growing perfectly, my body is changing and growing to accommodate him, and my health statistics (weight, blood pressure, iron levels, etc.) are textbook. I still feel like we are driving down that road full of stop lights that all turn green at once. My body is finally getting to do what it's been wanting to do for so long and it's seriously a CHAMP at it man! Every day I think about how much I want to meet our sweet baby and hold him and love him. And at the same time I think how I would love for him to be as safe and happy and warm as he is right now for the rest of his life. The mommy conundrum...or maybe one of the many!
This little baby loves his Daddy already too. He really loves it when Jonathan lays his head on my belly and talks to him. I think Greysen likes his low deep voice. Every time Jonathan talks to him, he moves. I can tell already that Greysen is gonna be Daddy's little man. Though I'm also certain he's gonna be a snuggle bug (albeit a wiggly one), so Mommy is gonna get her fair share of cuddles too. Maybe more than my fair share if I have anything to say about it! I haven't seen him on ultrasound since December 11th! I have another perinatal appointment next week on the 12th and that's his last big ultrasound for a while. I probably won't have another one until around week 34 or so. I am still in disbelief that I'm more than halfway through my second trimester already. My tiny baby is the size of a "mango" right now. He's about 1.5 pounds and is almost a foot long! It's a wonder my belly isn't WAY bigger than it actually is since he's gotten so big. But honestly, even though my uterus isn't standing a foot past my pelvis at this point, Greysen is smooshing my other organs out of the way as he grows. I've started experiencing a little shortness of breath as it's difficult to get a good deep breath with every inhale. I can also acutely feel my kidneys pressed up against my back when Jonathan gives me back rubs. And my gall bladder has started getting a bit crowded too which is presenting some...well...interesting side effects. In the first half of my pregnancy I've only gained about 12 pounds, which I'm happy with. Though Dr. Velarde is probably gonna kick my butt for the amount of those 12 total pounds that I gained over Christmas... Yikes! I actually called her office Tuesday to tell the nurse that I'd taken a big weight jump this month. She laughed and said it was no big deal, but being the perfectionist pleaser that I am, I still felt a little guilty...
All in all, though, I can't complain. This pregnancy has had its irritations and difficulties, but really it's been a breeze. Minimal nausea, minor aches and pains, few weird pregnancy symptoms (i.e.-carpel tunnel). I mean really, for as much as my body went through just to get Greysen growing, you'd think this pregnancy would be much more dramatic. But it isn't. Greysen is growing perfectly, my body is changing and growing to accommodate him, and my health statistics (weight, blood pressure, iron levels, etc.) are textbook. I still feel like we are driving down that road full of stop lights that all turn green at once. My body is finally getting to do what it's been wanting to do for so long and it's seriously a CHAMP at it man! Every day I think about how much I want to meet our sweet baby and hold him and love him. And at the same time I think how I would love for him to be as safe and happy and warm as he is right now for the rest of his life. The mommy conundrum...or maybe one of the many!
For now, we wait patiently for another 17 weeks for our precious miracle to arrive. In the meantime we are enjoying watching and feeling him grow from the inside and marveling at just how incredible this whole process is. We love you already Greysen!!
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Identifying with Mary's Heart
It's Christmastime! This year has been special because for the last few years we have been out of the country leading up to Christmas and not able to see how the mood of the country changes around this time of year. It's been so heartwarming to feel the season changing (even though in Florida it's still unseasonably toasty), see the Christmas lights going up, hear Christmas music playing on the radio, etc. And this Christmas has been extra special because I find myself identifying even more closely with a special someone involved in the Christmas story...
For so many years at Christmastime, I would hear those ever popular Christmas tunes on the radio or at church: Mary Did You Know?, Breath of Heaven (my personal favorite), Away in a Manger, Silent Night...and I would imagine what Mary must have been feeling like. She must have been exhausted, uncomfortable...maybe she still had some lingering nausea, her feet were probably swollen...I imagine that donkey ride was none too fun at 40 weeks pregnant! But this year, I know first hand what she was feeling beyond the scope of her "pregnancy symptoms"...
I know that she was imagining what her sweet baby Jesus was going to look like. She was envisioning kissing those adorable baby toes, anticipating the smell of that intoxicating baby smell radiating from the top of his downy little head. She was looking forward to those quiet moments just she and Jesus while he slept in her arms and she looked down at his peaceful face deep in dreamland. She imagined what his hopes and dreams would be. She wondered if she would be able to be the mother that he deserved. She was looking past the pain of labor and delivery...she was probably often even looking past the fact that she was carrying the Son of God...because at the core of her she was a mother. She was HIS mother. And the implications of that were enough in and of themselves...
Before now, Christmas was an intense time of longing for me. Much like Mother's Day, Christmas always reminded me that I wasn't quite there yet. And it equally drummed up that longing in my heart that could only be filled with Motherhood. I desperately wanted to know what Mary was really feeling. What she was really thinking? I would put my hand on my belly often and imagine what it would be like to be pregnant during Christmas...knowing I was celebrating the birth of Christ while simultaneously celebrating Christ's power in me through the creating of life inside my own body. How badly I wanted that to be a reality!
So here I am...in 2014...and when I put my hand on my belly now I feel MY baby moving inside my body. I listen to his beating heart on Doppler and marvel at the sound of Greysen's steady 156 heartbeat muddled with the sounds of my own. When I listen to Breath of Heaven now, I can identify with Mary's pleading with Heaven to equip her with the skills she needed to bring Jesus into this world, to care for him, to raise him, and to love him unconditionally. When I listen to Mary Did You Know?, I know that she knew. She knew that being a mommy was a call to something greater than herself. And whether she truly grasped who this baby was going to be or not, simply knowing the gravity of what it meant to be a mother was pivotal enough, don't you think?
In a year from now, Jonathan and I will be watching the wonder in our own baby's eyes when he sees Christmas lights for the first time, we will watch him crawling around our Christmas tree all decorated and lit up, he will peacefully sleep (hopefully!) through a quiet Christmas Eve service all snuggled up in my arms, we'll get to take pictures of him on Santa's lap. We are so excited about what Christmas 2015 is going to be like! But for Christmas 2014, I will sit quietly as often as I can and conjure up the imagine of Mary and her swelling baby bump when I place my hand on my own. When I sing those tunes on Christmas Eve, they will have new meaning. Greysen is my little piece of Heaven right now...God's power and perfection inside of me...the gift of LIFE that for so many years I wondered if I'd ever receive. And here he is. Closer to me than he'll ever be in my life or in his. So I'm marveling at my favorite Christmas present this year...my growing baby boy! And I'm thanking God that this year, I can truly identify with Mary and her heart. I'm forever grateful that my Mommy heart is not longing this year. It is full and overflowing!
Monday, December 15, 2014
Greysen Letters
On Mother's Day this year, I shared one of the many letters that I started writing to my kids years ago. While dealing with infertility, I read an article about how you should write your kids letters and give those letters to them later in life. I decided then that I wouldn't wait until they were here. I began writing to them long before their conception was even a reality. So I went back and read the letters I've been writing to Greysen. I've been sending his name up in prayer for years. So here's the very first letter I wrote to my little boy nearly 19 months ago. Ironically it was written almost exactly 2 years before he will be here for real. A May letter for my sweet May baby:
May 22, 2013
May 22, 2013
Dear My Sweet Greysen,
Today is May 22, 2013. As of right now, your Daddy and me
are living in Dominica (which is a teeny tiny little island in the Caribbean).
Daddy is studying to be a doctor! Today, I have no idea when you're
going to grace us with your presence. As a matter of fact, I'm not even
pregnant yet! I bet you can tell how much your Daddy and I want you, huh?
We think about you and dream about you all the time. We talk about
what color hair you'll have. Whether you'll have Daddy's blue eyes, or
Mommy's brown eyes. Will you be tall and skinny like your Daddy?
Will you have Mommy's round face and button nose? Will you be a
swimmer? A basketball player? A baseball star? It makes us smile to
imagine how smart and funny and charismatic you'll be. You'll be such a gentleman! We can't wait to hold you in our arms
and kiss your sweet little face and tell you how much we love you. We
love you already and you're not even born yet!
I have no idea what the future holds for your Daddy and me when
it comes to babies. But I DO know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one day
I'll write Greysen Neil Womack on a birth certificate, I'll snuggle you and
kiss your little baby face and tell you what a blessing and a miracle you are.
And I simply cannot wait for that day to come!
So I'll write you these little notes every once in a while.
And one day, I'll give them all to you so that you can read them and feel
my love for you. It's out of this world!
Love Beyond Words,
Mommy
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