You Are My Naomi...

My Sweet Bernice,


I have struggled to put these words together all week.  I've been considering what I might say in a letter like this for weeks now as the inevitability of your passing became more and more real.  This is the third time I have tried to sit and express my thoughts and my heart, but this is the first attempt I've made to write to you as if your earthly eyes will read this.  It feels more natural for me to speak to you as if you're still here with me.  As a matter of fact, I have spent this whole week speaking to you as if you're still here.  "Bernice, where in the heck did you hide that Pandora bracelet?", "Bernice, which shoes do you want me to bring to Mercer-Adams for you?", "Bernice, how in the world will I ever learn to function in a world you no longer live in?".  In the days that you've been gone, I find myself looking for you often.  When I'm in a room full of people and I want to sit and be quiet or catty, my eyes search for yours.  When I stand in the studio where we spent so many hours whiling away time beading and chatting, your absence is practically palpable.  When I consider that tomorrow we will "say goodbye" to you, my heart can hardly grasp the concept of the finality of your death...


There was a point during the week of your passing that Brenda had come over to help me bathe you and help you get ready for bed.  After I had made you comfortable...rubbed your feet and legs and hands until I knew you were relaxed enough to rest well...I knelt by your bedside with your hand pressed to my heart and told you how precious you are.  How valued you are. How cherished you are to me.  And how deeply and profoundly I love you.  Every night for the last 10 nights you spent with us here on earth I tried to express those things to you as explicitly as I could.  Later that evening, Brenda texted me with this verse:

But Ruth replied, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. - Ruth 1:16

Brenda said "You exude Ruth".  That's when the lightbulb came on for me!  In all these 12 years that I have known and loved you, I have searched for a term that properly describes the unique relationship we share.  It is far more deep than a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship, but it differs from mother/daughter, sister, friend, or simply confidant.  We are kindred souls, in a way, but you are also a mentor and my wise council.  You have been my touchstone.  You have exemplified grace, humility, and forgiveness when I struggled to muster those things in my own life.  Brenda's kind words telling me that I exude Ruth, though, made me realize that the best way to describe our special connection is that you are my Naomi. 

There are countless reasons I can give for choosing to marry your Jonathan.  There have been things revealed to me over the years that have only further solidified our super human connection...the purpose God had in mind for our union.  But YOU are one of the most precious gifts I received as a fringe benefit of committing my life and my love to your son.  And in these final days of your life, it has become so glaringly apparent that I was created as much for YOU as I was for him.  I was always supposed to be this person for you.  It was always supposed to be me who cradled your head in my hands to ease your pain.  It was always supposed to be me that preserved your dignity until the bitter end.  I was always supposed to be the one you passed your torch to.  And those responsibilities...they were never a burden...they were and are my gift!  It was ME who was so richly blessed by those quiet moments just you and me in your final days...when I needed God's strength and you needed mine.  My body was always supposed to be the one that took over for yours when the life inside of you began to drain.  And I so gladly and willingly gave it all to you...I would do it all again!  


I promised you I would take care of your boys, of your Charlie, of your sweet baby Greysen.  You told me how much comfort that brought you, and so, as your final hours ticked so quickly by, I tried to make sure that I continually reminded you of that promise.  In the hour of your passing before all of us knelt beside you, you drew a deep breath in and whispered to me "He came down".  It was then that I knew that it was almost time for you to step into the arms of Jesus.  That I could no longer offer you the help and comfort that you needed...you needed Help beyond my power...


Watching the life quickly yet ever so slowly leave your body...leave your eyes...was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.  There was a helplessness there...for you and for us...that could not be avoided.  But Bernice, you have to know that watching that scene while your sweet grand baby was held in the crook of my arm nursing and my hands rested on your arm...while your husband patted your legs and said "You're beautiful, you're radiant, you're strong, you're courageous"...while your hands were each filled with the lives you carried in your own womb...your sweet sons whispering to you that it was ok and that they love you...  


Words cannot express the sweetness of that moment.  The organic nature of your passing will quickly be forgotten, but I will never forget thinking that when my time comes, I want it to be while I'm surrounded by the ones I hold most dear...


I hope when I get to wrap my arms around you again in Heaven that you will tell me, "Rachel, you honored me in the end."  I hope you feel as though I gave you my best...gave you everything I had in me...I hope that I have made you proud.  I will spend my life upholding your legacy of peace, forgiveness, kindness, and gentleness.  I will raise my children to know you well.  I will take on your matriarchal role in this family.  Though I know I can never fill your shoes...I will never come close to replacing you...I hope that I can take a cue from the life that you lived and the example you set in such a way that your memory and your legacy lives on...


My sweet and precious Bernice, this world is dimmer without you in it.  But Heaven is sweeter and more brilliant!  Soon and very soon we will sit once again and spend endless hours together like we did here on earth.  I long for those days to come quickly!  I pray for your nearness in these days, weeks, months, and years to come.  I see little bits of you in each of the people who love you.  I see your sweet spirit in Sandy, I see your initiative and drive in Brenda, I see your candidness and your uncanny ability to make people smile in Charlotte, I see your giving and nurturing nature in Elaine, I see your wisdom in Jonathan, I see your gentleness in Patrick, I see your unconditional love in Charlie.  I can only hope that in my life, I can exude your spirit...your likeness...as it was such a beautiful reflection of Christ in you...


I love you with a love I cannot express in words, my Bernice.  I know you are dancing those golden streets and embracing your Jesus right now.  Though my heart is heavy with your absence, it is simultaneously rejoicing in your newness.  Because HE lives, I can face tomorrow...and every day beyond that...

Until We Meet Again on that Beautiful Heavenly Shore,


Rach




Happy Birthday, Sweet Greysen...

Dear My Sweet One Year Old Greysen,

Today you are one year old.  Today we celebrate the day that you so urgently yet gracefully entered this world.  Today I find myself reminiscing about that morning that I woke up and just knew something was different.  I remember laying in bed with mild contractions thinking "Am I crazy, or is this the real deal?".  I remember the flurry of activity that happened inside of an hour later that afternoon as your Daddy helped me shower, Bebe helped us gather up our things, and we were out the door and down the street to the hospital.  I still didn't believe it was time.  Even when they checked me and said I was 4 centimeters and 70% effaced.  Not even when Dr. Velarde came in and admitted me and I started feeling those contractions intensify.  Still not when she broke my water 2 hours later.  It didn't even feel real when she said "Ok, Mom...it's time to push!".  I would argue that it still didn't feel real even when she laid you up on my chest as I squealed "That's my baby!  Hi sweetheart!  I'm your Mommy!"  Several hours after your birth I even asked the nurse if it was normal to "feel like I was walking in a dream".  I really felt that way!  And now today...a whole year later...I feel the same way...

How is it that after years of wondering whether God had forgotten about me...after countless tears of anger and sorrow and disappointment...how is it that I sit here today writing about your first birthday with tears in my eyes feeling like I'm overwhelmingly more blessed than I could ever deserve?  How could I ever express my gratitude to God for allowing me to be your Mommy?  How did I get so lucky as to have a son so precociously empathetic, so incredibly handsome, so delightfully silly, and such a perfect blend of your Daddy and me as you are?  I will never know how I won the lottery on not only getting to know you, but getting to MOTHER you.  Wow.  My cup runs over...

In a year's time, your infancy has slowly melted away.  The softness of the top of your head is slowly going away, but the softness of your heart grows each day.  People tell me all the time, random people on the street whom I've never met, that there's something so inviting about you.  On more than one occasion I've had people tell me "something about those eyes makes you want to just tell him everything"...  I know you are going to do big things in this world.  I know you are destined for greatness...

You don't stay still very much these days.  You are constantly on the move exploring your world!  But I'm lucky enough that you still want to climb up in my lap and let me wrap you in my arms.  You sit still while I snuffle your hair, kiss your cheeks and toes and fingertips, and tell you how much I love you.  It's more than I can express.  You have learned to give kisses not only upon request, but any time you feel like you want to express your love.  You lean right in with those adorable lips and drooly mouth and I can't help but gather as many of those sugars as you're willing to give...

Watching you grow is like witnessing the formation of the Grand Canyon.  Bit by bit, little by little, day by day you are growing and changing and learning.  Seeing things through your eyes makes my world seem so fresh and new even though I've been here for 31 years longer than you have.  All of a sudden the flowers are spectacular, birds singing is exciting, rain on the windows is fascinating, everything is novel again!  My world changed the minute God breathed life into your body, and it hasn't stopped changing since...

I am a different person than I was this day last year.  I am changed.  You have changed me.  I am a better, more whole version of myself.  You remind me to slow down and savor the important things.  You remind me to be patient.  Your life gives my life new purpose...new meaning...new LIFE!  You will forever be the one who made me a Mommy.  You will forever be the one who came crashing into this world 2 weeks early...the one who surprised us then and surprises us now.  You will always be my first born.  You will always be enough. You will always be important.  And you will always, ALWAYS be loved, my sweet boy...

So on this day...the day we celebrate your grandiose arrival...we thank God for knitting you together in my womb.  For giving you life.  For giving us purpose.  For reminding us of the fragility of life, but also the glorious wholeness, and fulness, and joyfulness of it too.  I will never be worthy of the gift I have been given in you, but I promise I will never stop being grateful for you, my son.  My sweet baby Greysen.  Happy Birthday baby boy!  Keep changing this world for the better...

Love Beyond Words,

Mommy

The Perfect Match

So today is Match Day 2016!  To those of you in the world of medicine, you know exactly what that means.  For those of you who aren't, it's only one of the biggest days of your medical career (in addition to the other day this week when you find out WHERE you matched...).  For Jonathan and I, we are exactly one year away from our own Match Day.  We will be beginning our search for "The Perfect Match" this fall.  Who am I kidding??  We've already begun the process of finding The Perfect Match, and all the preparation will come to fruition in the fall!  This is such a huge day for med students.  It's WAY bigger than Graduation Day if you can believe it.  Going into medical school, I honestly thought that the walking across the stage, getting your hood and diploma, and being able to call yourself Doctor was the biggest accomplishment.  Don't get me wrong, it surely IS an accomplishment!  But the hood and the diploma and the letters after your name all serve to "sweeten the deal" of being hired for a residency program.  That's the big prize at the end of this whole shenanigan...

Today I find myself with a bit of a perpetual adrenaline rush as I wait to see those Facebook posts from friends in the 2016 match saying they matched.  Today they will find out IF they matched...Friday they find out where.  It's so convoluted and I know I've tried to explain it about a million times to those of you who are "out of the loop" when it comes to the process of medical school and residency matching...

This blog is entitled "Thinking Positive".  It was a bit of a pun when I started it because we were thinking positively about our process of IVF and hopeful pregnancy, but we were also thinking about a positive pregnancy test.  So in the interest of continuing the theme of "Thinking Positive" (since thinking about Baby Womack #2 is still a good ways away...), I have decided that I will swing the pendulum in a different direction for a hot minute.  These next 12 months are going to be crazy!  Exciting, nerve wracking, stressful, joyful, and hopeful.  Just like our 2014 and 2015 were!  So our positive thinking for this period of time will be directed at the Match process for Jonathan's residency.  I can't believe it's already time for this!  And since many of you are probably totally mystified by the whole process and have no earthly clue what will be going on in Womack-ville for the next few months, I decided my first post would be an enlightening one on the matter.  So buckle your seatbelts and and get your pen and paper ready (haHa!)...here's Medical School and Residency Matching 101 via Rachel Womack...

Step 1

Complete Basic Sciences

This is what we spent 1 semester in the Bahamas and 4 semesters in Dominica doing.  This is classroom learning basically.  It's LOTS of lecture, LOTS of reading, dissection of cadavers for Anatomy, looking at slides for pathology, and practicing with standardized patients on taking a history and physical and writing up a patient note.  It's brutal and grueling and not for the faint of heart.  It's NOTHING like undergrad, NOTHING like getting a Master's degree, and it's designed to weed people out in a bit of a cutthroat kind of way...

Step 2

Clinical Sciences (Clerkship)

Long story short, this is 2 years of learning to be a resident without getting paid.  You have to take rotations at an assigned hospital in 6 core disciplines (Pediatrics, Obstetrics and Gynecology, Family Medicine, Internal Medicine, Surgery, and Psychiatry) first.  These "cores" are anywhere from 6 weeks long to 12 weeks long.  After your cores are done, you take an additional load of "electives".  There are a few requirements about these, but they are designed with some freedom of choice so that you can explore different aspects of medicine and cater your clinical experience to what you hope to find a job doing.  These electives are things like Endocrinology, Cardiology, Oncology, Surgery sub specialties (i.e. ortho, neuro, cardio thoracic, plastics, etc.), Hematology, etc.  These electives are usually 4 weeks long.  During your electives you can also do Sub-Internships in the field you are hoping to match with.  These sub-I's help get your foot in the door with the hospital you rotate through and also give you a more intense experience more like a real residency (i.e. with a lot more responsibility).  This is where we are right now in the process.  Jonathan is done with cores and has completed 4 of his elective rotations.  He has 6 more to complete before he is officially Dr. Womack in November!

Step 3

Pick a Specialty and Research Residency Programs

During your Clerkship (see above), you decide on a specialty.  It's not an absolute requirement that you make a final decision before applying to residency.  You can always apply for programs that allow you one year of what is usually called "Preliminary Medicine" which is a broad spectrum year of residency to help you zero in more on where you want to settle.  And again, choosing a specialty for a residency is not a "signed in blood" thing either.  You can still change your mind and reapply later if you get into a program and find out it's really not your cup of tea.  Jonathan has decided to go into Internal Medicine (what's that you say?  Think Scrubs.  Hospital wards and ICU's with emergent patients and maintenance care at the hospital with an additional element of primary care outpatient work...).  From Internal Medicine he can stay more on the "categorical" side (i.e. broad spectrum with training in all IM fields <cardiology, geriatrics, endocrinology, oncology, neurology, ear nose and throat, etc.>, or he can choose to specialize and after 2-3 years of categorical medicine he can further focus more directly on one sub-specialty).  Researching residency programs is a HUGE undertaking.  Mad props to our friends who are single med students because I'm doing most of the leg work for Jonathan on this and it is A LOT of work.  I can't imagine how difficult this part of the process must be if you have to do it all yourself while you're still working through your Clerkship.  You have to go through FREIDA (Fellowship and Residency Electronic Interactive Database Access) and ACGME (Accreditation Counsel for Graduate Medical Education) to find out what hospitals in the country offer a residency in your chosen specialty.  My strategy has been to put every single program I find onto our list (excluding the ones in states we aren't interested in living) and whittle down from there.  I've been using a few criteria for taking programs OFF the list: #1-if they don't accept foreign medical school graduates (even though Ross students graduate with the same credentials as any other medical student in the US, since the basic sciences are taken in a foreign country, their graduates are considered foreign graduates), #2-if they haven't accepted Ross students in the past 5 years), #3-if their website is bunked.  From there I then look at what their minimum Step 1 score requirements are (Jonathan's scores are substantially higher than every single IM program's minimum requirement that I've come across...smart dude!), what the salary schedule and benefits look like, and what the curriculum and schedule looks like.  We are shooting for a magic number of programs to apply to, and that magic number is different for everyone.  Some statistics say most medical graduates apply to an average of about 36 programs (for Internal Medicine that is...it's different for every specialty).  For foreign med grads, they recommend applying for a good bit over the average, but the number is really up to you.  If you're feeling lucky, maybe you only apply for 30.  If you're wanting to bolster you chances, maybe you apply for 80.  Bottom line is that you're shooting for 8-12 interviews optimally.  More on that later...

Phew!  Okay, are you still with me?? ;)  Hang in there...

Step 4

Apply for Residencies Through ERAS (Electronic Residency Application Service)

Thankfully you don't have to apply individually for every single residency program you are interested in applying to.  All US residency programs (other than Urology programs) use ERAS.  ERAS is an electronic system that allows you to build your application generally speaking and then each program you are applying to can access your information through your profile rather than filing through mounds of paperwork.  We get to buy our ERAS "token" very soon, and that's when we start building our profile/applications.  Thankfully doing it through ERAS means the applications are a lot less expensive.  Of course the cost is dependent on how many programs you apply to and in how many specialties (it's recommended that you stick to just one, but some people apply for IM or Family Medicine programs AND more specific programs like Neurology or Pediatrics to name a few...).  Jonathan is wanting to apply to about 65-70 programs (which I think is nuts with his scores as high as they are, but he gets to call the shots on this one!), so our ERAS bill is going to be somewhere in the ballpark of $2500ish and that's just the applications themselves.  We haven't gotten his personal statement and curriculum vitae reviewed, that doesn't include the ERAS token purchase, and we haven't paid for interview attire, transportation, travel expenses, etc.  So it's PRICEY (goodbye student loan reimbursement for the Fall...)!  Applications are submitted September 15th and programs begin calling for interviews around November 1st...

Step 5

Programs Review Applications and Request Interviews

For this part, there is a bit of an algorithm for every program.  They plug their requirements into their system which then quickly files through thousands of applicants to their program and gives them only the applicants who meet those requirements.  From there, they review more specifically your CV and your personal statement and any other person specific criteria and whittle down the bunch even further before calling for interviews.  A program may have anywhere from 5 spots to 50 spots and they interview as many as they feel like interviewing.  You could be one of 200 interviews for 15 spots, or it could be more or less respectively.  This is uncharted territory for us, so I only know what I've read and seen up until this point.  Programs give you a few options of dates for your interview and you can accept or decline their offer of an interview.  If you decline, you cannot match with that program.  Likewise, if you don't get called for an interview, you can't match there.  Also, even if you interview with a program, it does not mean they'll offer you a position or "rank" you high on their list (more on that later...).  I've found that many programs will give you free or discounted room and board for your interview stay, but you have to pay your own way to travel to the site.  Greysen and I will be traveling with Jonathan to each of his interviews and we will be exploring the city and the housing options while we are there.  The interviews are as much about the program getting a feel for you as they are you getting a feel for the program.  It's all the process of finding The Perfect Match for you (and your family) AND for them.  Tricky, tricky...

Step 6

Accept Interviews and Rank Programs

So now, you go to interviews.  You speak with the current residents and the attendings, you get a tour of the hospitals, some programs have you go on grand rounds with them, and most have formal and/or informal dinners where you get to mix and mingle a bit (lots of these welcome spouses and for the ones that do, we will be bringing my mom or Jonathan's mom along to babysit Greysen while Jonathan and I attend the functions).  *Some* programs will offer a residency spot immediately, but if you decline their offer, they won't extend it again.  *Some* programs will tell you to rank them high and they'll rank you high. *Some* programs are more cryptic.  After you've taken all your interviews (interviews are done by the end of January), you submit your "rank order list" in February.  This is when it gets a little dicey again.  Another algorithm!  Let's say you interviewed at 10 places.  You rank those programs from most desired to least desired.  The programs you interviewed with rank their interviewed candidates.  Let's say they interviewed 50 applicants, they rank then 1-50 from most desired candidate to least desired.  Everyone submits their rank order list in February.  Then the computer system shakes the whole thing out and according to your rank with a program and their rank with you, you either match or don't match.  It's not *really* as cutthroat as it sounds, but it's definitely stressful.  You get one match and only one match.  If you turn it down, you have to wait until the next match year to try again...

Step 7

Find Out About Your Perfect Match!

In the middle of March, you find out first *if* you matched.  There's some hoopla that happens if you don't match initially.  They used to call it "The Scramble" which meant programs would then go back through the list of applicants that didn't match and see if they wanted to take you on in one of their unfilled spots.  I don't know if this still happens or how it happens if it does, but we will just Think Positive (see what I did there?) and hope for a "first round draft pick" (if you will...).   A few days after you find out *if* you matched, you find out *where* you matched.  And hopefully that match is The Perfect Match! Once you match, you get specifics and most programs start either June 1st or July 1st.  For Jonathan, his residency will last 3 years and then he will be in his own practice (more on this in a different post...).  Other programs are shorter or longer depending on your specialty of choice.  We will then travel to wherever we matched and find a place to settle in!

For your own references (for those of you still with me here...), so far we have places on our list literally all over the country.  12 programs in Texas, 7 in Massachusetts, 6 in Arizona, 2 in Oklahoma, 1 in Kentucky, a few in Alabama, some in Tennessee, a couple in Kansas, 3 in Rhode Island, etc.  It is a total toss up as to where we end up!  Where do we want to end up you ask?  Honestly, we are keeping a VERY open mind (as I've been told to do).  We are embracing these three years as an adventure and we are hoping and praying that wherever we end up will be our Perfect Match.  So GOOD LUCK to everyone matching in 2016 and stay tuned for our Great Adventure in 2016-17!

How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

  

Jonathan tells me that my country accent becomes SUPER thick when I'm with my extended family. I don't notice it really. I suppose I do say things like "I reckon" and "rurn't" (instead of ruined) and other things of the like.  I also NEVER drink coffee unless it's a fancified frappé of some kind unless I'm at my Pa's house. When I'm there I not only drink coffee, but I drink it black with a little bit of sugar and I knock back 2-3 cups before 10:00 AM.  Why is it that the Rachel Womack that exists in everyday life is in such stark contrast to the Rachel Womack who shoots the breeze on her Pa's porch in Clanton, Alabama?  Well my best guess is that I revert back to those easy ways of life because they bring me joy. I drawl with the best of them in that familiar Deep South accent because phrases like "I do declare" and "bless her pea pickin' heart" and "ain't nothin like..." take me back to my roots. And porch sittin', coffee drankin', and breeze shootin' are...well they're just what you *do* when you're there. Life slows down...simplifies to only the things that truly matter...and I just settle into the familiarity of my family. We drink coffee at Pa's pretty much throughout the day and sometimes into the evening. Why?  Because there's something about that worn coffee pot, the smell of hazelnuts, and the nostalgic nature of the little cup I drink it from that warms my soul through and through. 

There is also something magical about seeing the joy on your grandparents' faces when they interact with your child. That added respect for your own parents that you get when you have kids...that "you were up with my screaming self at 3 AM too once upon a time...wow I wish I'd never been my angsty teenage self to you now that I know what I put you through"...is maybe magnified with regard to your grandparents. And there's something marvelous about 80+ year old arms holding a 9 month old, something endearing about pudgy 9 month old hands pressing into the wisdom of an 80+ year old cheek, something fantastic about a baby's belly laugh when they are amused by their *great* grandparents.

This time while Jonathan and I were in Clanton, we decided to make good on our intentions of...well of immortalizing our family members in a way. In the same way that having a child makes you respect your upbringing, it also makes you acutely aware of mortality. For me in particular I find myself hyper aware of the memories I want Greysen to forge...of the deep set memories I myself have of my great grandparents, my grandparents, my parents. A solid part of me wants to freeze these moments in time so that when he's 30 and he has trouble remembering what his grandmother's voice sounded like, he can just drum up that vault of memories seared into his heart and reminisce about "the good ol' days". But the fact of the matter is, no matter how hard we try to deeply seal away those memories so that they never fade, they do. My grandfather has been gone from my life for nearly 17 years. I know he smelled of Kourus cologne, roses, and fresh cut grass, but I can no longer conjure that smell up in any tangible way. I know he used to squeeze my cheeks and say " soooooo sweet" but for the life of me, even though I can still see his face and imagine his hands on my cheeks, I can no longer hear his voice. I can't feel the warmth and roughness of his palms on my face.  So Jonathan and I set out with a plan. A project if you will. And I'm not sure we even understood the depth of its meaningfulness until we actually started carrying it out...

We set up a microphone. Connected to the computer. And I sat across the table from my Pa, from my Mimol, each separately...independently, and we talked. They told me about their childhood, their parents, the old family stories that I've heard for years and many I'd never heard.  They told me what their fears are, what their joys are, what they are proudest of (for both of them it was their family). I heard military stories from my Pa, I heard the stories and significance of my grandmother's tea cup collection, I heard the break in their voices when they spoke about losing their own parents, I asked them how they would want to be remembered. We bottled all of those things up and immortalized them on a hard drive. Their great great great great great grandchildren will be able to press play and hear each of them say how much they love their family and how hopeful they are for the future of their children's children's children. Those kids, generations from now, will know they were loved and considered a hundred years before they walked this earth. And I will never have to dig into the depths of my memory to try and conjure up the sound of my Mimol's voice or the warmth of my Pa's laugh. I'll just press play...

As they each progressed through their respective interviews I felt a weight lifting from both of them. You know, in a way I think we all strive throughout life to find a way to immortalize ourselves. We search for ways to make our mark on the world in big ways and in small ways.  We hope that when we're gone our loved ones will think fondly of us...remember the good times...smile when they reminisce about us. But how do you go about that?  Seems a bit arrogant to say "Hey, record me talking about myself so everyone can hear my stories."  But how liberating it was for them both to be *asked* to do that...how meaningful it was for them to be able to tell their stories...and how impactful it was for them to say the words they needed to say. We forced a conversation that might not have ever happened. We asked the hard questions. And what we ended up with was something profound. A snapshot of each of my grandparents. An in depth look at what makes them who they are! In 50 years when I'm 80 years old, I will still have that recording to listen to. To share with Greysen's children. We immortalized each of them. In the most authentic way we could...

I asked them each this question: "If this was our last conversation ever, what would you want to make sure I heard from you?"  I won't go into detail about their answers about that, but I *will* say that hearing them answer that question made me think. We always say that we aren't promised tomorrow. But what will your loved ones know about you when you're gone?  How will they remember you? Will they know that you love them deeply? If the conversation you're having with your mother over lunch is the last conversation you ever have with her, what would you want to make *sure* she heard from you? 

Perhaps we should each take stock of our legacy.  Of the legacy of our loved ones. And respect their impact on the future...

The Plot Grows Ever Thicker

I'm sure you are all familiar with what it's like to read a novel you can't seem to put down. As the plot thickens and the final chapters begin to unfold, you can't seem to quit turning page after page to see how it all plays out. And then, as you finish reading those last paragraphs, you find yourself mourning the end of a great tale. You might be anxious to start the next book in the series, but finishing this one almost feels like saying goodbye to a newfound friend...

Our lives lately read almost like a novel of sorts. Maybe I should write it!  The last year of our lives has brought us some of the biggest blessings we could ever imagine and also some of our greatest and most challenging trials. By this time next week this apartment will be empty. Our lives will be packed away into a storage container awaiting the next book in our series and our little family will be off on another whirlwind adventure. The final chapters in our "Medical School" novel. And let me tell you, these final chapters will be page turners for sure!  From here we go to Texas for Jonathan to take some time to study for his board exams, then we are off to Baltimore to finish rotations. By this time next year we will have applied and interviewed for residency positions in places only the Lord knows where at this point. We will be not so patiently awaiting our match...the start of the next book in our series...

But as we close this chapter of "Medical School" I find myself a bit torn. On the one hand, I am SO incredibly anxious to shut the door on the chapter called "Florida" and open the next one called "Nomads for 9 Months". Yet on the other, it's bittersweet to leave behind the place where we started our family. As much as we've hated living in Florida, it will always be the place we welcomed Greysen into the world. This apartment will always be his first home. And packing up his nursery stings a little as I consider the fact that when all of these things come out of storage, our sweet Greysen will no longer be a tiny baby. He's growing by leaps and bounds daily as it is!  This chapter is coming to a close and a notable part of me is sad to see the final pages being turned on it...

However, I feel that same excitement you feel when you're ripping through the final pages of a riveting novel. I can't help but feel like our lives are really getting ready to begin. God has gone before us and laid it all out so perfectly. We have little glimpses of what the next 5 years are going to bring, but so much of it is still cloaked in mystery...and I can't wait to see what happens next!  2016 promises lots of traveling, lots of "firsts", lots of stress, and lots of success. 2017 will be the beginning of the newest book in our series...the one called "Residency"...

As the final chapters in our "Medical School" book are playing out, I can't help but see how God is putting the finishing touches on our growing experience. Finishing up what He started...preparing us for what's next...still teaching us, stretching us, molding us, challenging us, and completing His marvelous works. We are different people than when we started this whole thing. We are wiser, more mature, bolder perhaps, more flexible, softer around the edges in ways...rougher in others. We are unapologetic about what we intend to do, we are unafraid of taking chances, and we are unwilling to accept less than everything we have the potential to achieve...

So in true Thinking Positive fashion, we go forward with great expectations of God's continued work in our lives. We know He's working, we know He's not only prepared a way but He's prepared the means, we know His plans are to give us hope and a future. That future is SO bright!  So keep reading folks, these final chapters in this novel are gonna keep you on your toes!! 

Cheers to 2016!

2015 has been a year y'all.  One of the most special years of my life and equally one of the most challenging.  2015 saw the birth of our sweet Greysen in April...a moment we will never forget...a moment that changed our lives forever in the best possible way.  Greysen has been all we hoped he would be an more.  He has challenged us and brought us greater joy than we could ever imagine. From the moment he arrived, we knew we would never be the same!  The end of 2015 has been a bit tumultuous.  First the onslaught of health issues with Jonathan beginning around the end of May (thankfully those issues have been almost completely resolved...praise God for that!),then the news of some scary health issues for a dear friend of ours, then an informal official offer for a career opportunity for Jonathan post residency (again...praise the LORD for that!).  We've been up and down and up again in the past 6 months!

2016 promises to be an equally interesting roller coaster ride.  We will be in Florida in January, in Texas in February, back in Florida in March, then in Baltimore for April, then here, there, and yonder during the month of May, then Baltimore again from June through September.  We will be applying for residency September 15th, and then the fall will be residency interview season...Lord only knows where those will take us!  Greysen will celebrate his first birthday in 2016.  He will learn to crawl (unless he figures that out in the next 4 hours), learn to walk, learn to talk, and grow like a weed...all in 2016.  That's almost more than I can fathom.  Jonathan will graduate from medical school in November...he will be DR. WOMACK by the end of September when he completes his final rotation.    I will complete my Master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling in December.  Wow...what a year we have to look forward to!

Looking into 2016, I have to be realistic as well that there may be tragedies and sadness in store.  Maybe not...wouldn't that be amazing??  But never does a year go by where there isn't something saddening that happens.  But you know what my New Year's resolution is for 2016?  To focus on the JOY.  I'm resolving to focus on the happy in my life and in the world around me.  I'm choosing to celebrate the good...the amazing...the exciting.  And I'm resolving to shake off the sad.  It's inevitable that it will occur, but it doesn't have to be inevitable that it knocks us Womacks off our high horses.  2016 will be an amazing year of transitions.  And I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for our sweet little family...

Cheers to 2016!