These things disturb me as a human being trying to navigate this world, but as a Mommy, they disturb me even more. I am literally scared of what our world is going to look like in a few years when my boys are all in school. When they're trying to navigate the confusing waters of puberty and budding sexuality and social issues. When they're trying to find their own identity. Childhood is hard, but I firmly believe childhood is HARDER for kids these days and it seems it will only get harder for the generations to come. I worry about the safety of my children at school. I worry about their delicate psyches in a world that forces them to "identify" themselves as solidly one thing or the other before their little brains are even capable of making long term, life altering/determining decisions like that. So I'm left pondering how in the world will I protect my sons from getting battered by life without putting them in a bubble and never letting them out of my sight?
First and foremost, Jonathan and I have made the solid and unwavering decision to raise our children in the church. We grew up in the church ourselves and we have also spent time as a couple and as a young family NOT in a church while we were navigating medical school and clinicals. A little more than 3 years ago we decided to firmly plant ourselves back in the church again because we knew our baby needed it. WE needed it! Our lives look so different now that Christ is solidly at the center again. It warms my heart to hear Greysen saying things like "Mommy Jesus loves me!" and asking questions like "Mommy why did God put babies in your tummy?" I want his identity FIRST to be rooted in Christ. I want him to know the truth about who *God* says he is. I want him to learn to decipher lies from the truth and I want him to know he is loved ALWAYS. Even beyond the love that Jonathan and I unconditionally supply for him. I want Greysen and Deacon and Dakota to know that they are valuable and special and IMPORTANT. I would like to think that if they gain enough of a foundation in those facts, the world won't be able to persuade them otherwise. But I really do know better. I know this world is like a hungry lion just waiting to pounce on any insecurity they may have. Waiting to ridicule any thought they may have that goes outside of the norm...beyond the "hive's" ideology. But I hope that being surrounded by people who love them and who speak truth and love into their lives will create a "soft landing" for them...
Secondly, Jonathan and I will create that soft landing place here in our home so that our boys will know that whatever risks they take in life, however they choose to tackle life circumstances, there will ALWAYS be a welcoming and non-judgemental place for them to come back to...pass or fail! I heard something said a few months after Greysen was born by a fellow med student who is much younger than me and Jonathan that has impacted the way I think about parenting. She said, "My parents always encouraged us to be go-getters. They always gave us the big thumbs up to pursue the hard stuff. And I was never afraid to try the difficult challenges because I knew always that no matter what happened, they would be my soft place to land." Jonathan and I want our boys to feel confident in who they are and to know that no matter their success rate, we will always accept and love them no matter their performance outcome. They will never have to "earn" our approval. That's something society dictates...we want our home to be different...
Thirdly, I am a mom of boys. Three boys...very soon! Today's society over-sexualizes women...objectifies them. We whine and complain about sexual assault and sexual harassment, but yet our country keeps things like strip clubs, Hooters, and Twin Peaks in business with women who willingly subject themselves to savage, inappropriate men simply because they can earn a buck that way. And men in our society cry big old crocodile tears when they get called on the table about their bad behavior. Women objectify men too. My own husband has been victim a of a persistently sexually aggressive woman who knew he was married and viewed that as a challenge to overcome. She spoke to him and exploited herself in the world's most disgusting manner just to try desperately and unapologetically (and thankfully unsuccessfully) to turn his head. So my perspective on sexual harassment and this idea that men are these savage beasts who can't keep their hands to themselves really rings my bell. Because it's not true. The door swings both ways. So what will I teach my boys? Women are strong AND vulnerable all at the same time. They are delicate and a force to be reckoned with simultaneously. They are not a conquest. They are not a social or sexual experiment. They are special and beautiful and their vulnerabilities are to be celebrated AND protected.
I will teach my boys that loving a woman starts first in your heart. Love for a woman starts first with loving who she is. Not what she's wearing or her body style. Love for a woman and intrigue about her should first be about what she conceals rather than what she reveals. Women who strut around wearing next to nothing who parade their sexuality and their bodies around as "things to be sought after"...those may not be the women to pursue. A woman's mind...her heart...those are the things to be attracted to. I will teach them to respect ALL women. I will also teach them to respect THEMSELVES enough to literally RUN from women who are exploitative and looking to take advantage of them. I will teach them NEVER to be the savage men who can't keep their hands to themselves. Jonathan and I will teach them what a loving and supportive marriage looks like. We will SHOW them what a woman's respect for a man and a man's respect for a woman look like and how they compliment each other. We will teach them that a marriage is a relationship between two DIFFERENT people who support and love each other EQUALLY. Really any healthy relationship can be described like that. I want our boys to know how to successfully form real relationships with people that don't leave them feeling less important than they are...
So no big deal right? Just parenting three boys in a society that is confusing and scary. But man...my life's work as a mother will be to instill these things and SO many more into my boys. Constantly and for the rest of my life. Even when they have families of their own! The picture I have in my head of the future of our family is our boys in loving, committed relationships with people who we love and who love our family. I want our home to always be warm and accepting and full of joy. I want there to be no question about our faith and the God we serve. Even though life will inevitably continue to be difficult...hurt and loss are not things we are immune to...I want my children to know that there is a constant both in our Heavenly Father and in the home that Jonathan and I have built...
