On This Mother's Day...

Today I celebrate Mother's Day as an actual Mommy!  As I think back on the 5 Mother's Days that I spent longing for that title, I am humbled and awed by the fact that today, in 2015, I am waking up to MY own wiggly baby.  He had a bit of a fussy night last night that was only remedied by Mommy scooping him up, putting him on my chest, and singing The Greatest Commands as he drifted off to dreamland.  I could have been annoyed at his refusal to settle and sleep in his bassinet, but instead I tried to soak up those hours of sleep with his tiny chest rising and falling on top of my own...

There will come a day when he won't need me like he does now.  In an impossibly short amount of time he will be too big for me to scoop up and lay on my chest while we both sleep.  One day soon, instead of crying, he will simply say "Mommy I'm hungry," or "Mommy I want _____."  Today he tells me that something's not right in his world by crying.  Which many times hurts my heart, but I tirelessly trial and error his needs until he soothes and drifts off to sleep.  I work on less hours of sleep than I can count on one hand, yet I am still ready and more than willing to tackle another day despite my weariness...

Each time I look at his face, I fall in love a little more.  He is the perfect mash up of me and Jonathan.  His sparkling eyes are awe inspiring and I can't get enough of looking into them.  He is beginning to visually recognize me and most times when our eyes lock, he registers this recognition with the beginnings of an infant smile.  When he nurses, which we are still working to get the hang of, he snuggles in like it's the most heavenly thing he's ever experienced.  He'll wrap his arms around my breast like he never wants to let it go.  When he's had a good nursing session, he will pull away and contentedly look around the room and at me...completely at peace.  There are few things in this world that make me feel more accomplished and complete than that...

So Greysen, here in 2015, I'm celebrating motherhood for the first time because YOU made me a mommy.  You came racing into this world just a short 12 days ago and you changed your mommy and your daddy's lives forever.  We already have trouble remembering what our lives were like before taking care of you was our number one priority.  Being a mother is the most difficult job I've ever done, but it's also the most beautiful task I've ever been entrusted with.  This morning, waking up to your tiny weight resting peacefully on my chest, I was reminded of what my heart *used* to feel like when I would wake up on Mother's Day.  Empty and longing...keeping tears at bay on this day was so hard.  But today, my heart is full and overflowing...keeping tears at bay is still hard though...because when I look at you my heart can't contain the love I have for you.  You are perfect in every way possible, even when you're being a toot (which you kind of are today...).  This Mother's Day I celebrate bringing you into this world and getting the awesome responsibility of being *your* Mommy.  It's a job I definitely do not take lightly.  With each passing day I love you more, I'm inspired by you more, and I'm in awe of what a beautiful creation of the Father you are.  So yes, Happy Mother's Day to me, but also Happy Mother's Day to you my son.  You made me a Mommy...