Greysen and I watched The Star (an animated film about the Christmas story) for the first time Friday night. I'm so glad we finally did, because I really loved it and so did he. I've heard several times since then "Mommy, want to watch Jesus?" which is music to my ears! The movie brought me to tears, though, and also brought some important things to light for me. Funny how an animated film can do that...
There is a scene when Mary and Joseph are on the road to Bethlehem and everything seems to be going wrong. Their cart breaks down, they're doubting their aptitude for the massive task they've been entrusted with...basically everything they've both been thinking kind of comes right to the surface. And Mary says, "This is so hard! Why is this so hard? I know this is God's plan, but I guess I just thought it would be easier than this..." Oh sister...can I identify with that reality! When you say yes to God...when you agree to be a part of His ultimate purpose...it doesn't magically exempt you from the world and everything that comes along with it...
So what does that mean? Say no to God because ultimately that's the easier road? Interesting thought isn't it? Hearing those words come out of Mary's mouth in the movie got me thinking about how many people God called who may have said no to the heavy task of carrying the Messiah. It's a nice thought to think that the first woman he prompted was Mary and she said yes with no hesitation. Maybe that's how it went down, maybe it's not. But it got me thinking about the lineage of Jesus...essentially God's "rescue plan" for His creation. He had a plan and He used His people to carry it out. Just as He is still doing today. But it took willing parties to say yes to Him. To trust His plan. I don't think it's an accident that the blood line of Jesus Christ is punctuated with women who battled infertility and loss. "Non-traditional mothers", if you will. It's not a mistake. Sarai, Rachel, Hannah, etc. Those heroines of the faith said yes, and their yeses came with pure joy and fulfillment AND crazy difficult obstacles and TOUGH promises to keep. Don't you think Mary rethought her yes to God when it became more clear that her precious son was to be hung on the cross? Wasn't Hannah's promise more difficult to keep when Samuel became old enough to commit his entire life to the ministry and leave her...she was going to have to make good on her word to give him over to the work of God! I can guarantee you that continuing to say yes to being a part of God's bigger purpose was NOT easy for those women then, and it's NOT easy today...
Fear is loud...and very convincing. Doubt is intense...it's hard to dodge. Worry is my arch nemesis...it follows me like a big black cloud ready to engulf me if I let it. In the midst of this IVF journey, just like last time, I am constantly...daily...being bombarded with things and circumstances which create worry and doubt and fear about this process. The "what ifs" are SO hard to drown out. There are an insane number of potential derailments, disappointments, failures. And it is SO easy to let myself go down that road of what ifs. Ultimately, I have no idea whether any of those what ifs will play out in my story. But I'm not supposed to have it figured out. I'm only supposed to take His hand, trust His plan, and keep saying yes. Keep taking another step, and another step, and another step. Even when it's scary...terrifying. The one truth I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that God will be with me. The circumstances won't change His constancy. When I said yes to him 23 years ago, He became a forever enmeshed part of me that can never be separated...
Psalm 27:13-14 says, "I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." A sweet family here in Oklahoma is walking a tough road with their son Caleb as he recovers from a traumatic brain injury. This young man has been SUCH an inspiration for me during these last couple of months. Caleb's father wrote this a few weeks ago: "This weekend I pictured our biblical heroes as they lived through God’s miracles. Do you think the Israelites ever glanced up at the walls of the Red Sea and wondered if they would hold until they had crossed? Do you think Daniel ever looked suspiciously at the lions and worried they might suddenly become hungry during that long night in the den? Do you think the disciples ever questioned whether they heard Jesus correctly when He said He would return? Of course they did. But we call them heroes of the faith because they endured to the end, whether the wait was one night or a lifetime..."
So what does all this mean for me...for you? God doesn't promise us ease on this earth. He doesn't promise us prosperity and success. He promises us His PRESENCE, His CONSTANCY, His PROVISION, His PROTECTION, and most importantly His KINGDOM. John 16:13...Jesus' words..."I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." So that means when it feels like I can't find peace here on earth...peace in my circumstances...I can trust that if I seek peace in Him I will find it. It also means that I myself don't have to overcome the world. I don't have to "beat the odds". He already did all of that on the cross! And He did it FOR ME! So praise God for His presence, His constancy, His provision, His protection. I can do this...I can answer His call and say YES to His calling. Even when it's terrifying. Why? Because I serve a God who PROMISES that participation in His ultimate purpose will NEVER go unnoticed and unrewarded by Him...
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