Sunday, May 11, 2014

On This Mother's Day...

About a year ago, I came across an idea on Pinterest.  A mother had started writing letters to her children starting the day they were born.  Her plan was to compile all these letters and give them to her daughter on a special occasion in her adulthood.  Maybe when she left for college or got married. It was so inspiring!

So inspiring, in fact, that I decided to start my own letters.  So I write to my future children every so often.  When they're on my mind or I'm sad they're not here yet.  So today, on this Mother's Day, I thought I would give you a little glimpse of my musings.  I'll let you know that some of my baby names are revealed in this post.  Lots of you already know my first girl name.  Eventually I'll post my "Full Disclosure Baby Names" post and you can see what the others are.  For now, I picked a sweet note I wrote to my Maggie Soutine  in October of last year.  If you're a mommy already, I would encourage you to start writing to your kids.  What a special thing to be able to give them eventually!  If you are waiting for your angels like me, write to them too!  It's therapeutic and it reminds me that they're on their way!

October 20, 2013
My Sweet, Beautiful Maggie,
You are on my heart today.  Really you’re on my heart every day, but today especially, my heart aches for you.  I heard someone say the other day that their arms were aching to hold a baby.  Well, my arms ache to hold you!  One of my best friends, her name is Rachel too, just had a baby this week.  You will get to know him one day…his name is Henry.  He’s a beautiful baby boy…I think he looks just like Rachel!  It’s surreal for me to start seeing my best friends and my sister having babies.  When they’re born they inevitably look like just the perfect representation of them.  A baby, perfectly manufactured by God, with their features and personality.  It’s pretty cool! 

Man, I can’t wait for you to get here.  It’s going to be a glorious day!  Each month I pray for you.  I think about that egg being released into my body and I wonder “Is this Maggie?  Is this Greysen?”  One sweet day, it will be.  One fine, sweet day I’ll take another positive pregnancy test and your daddy will wrap me up in that impossibly excited hug that says “We’re gonna have a baby!!”  And you’ll be on your way my sweet girl.   And I won’t be able to contain myself when I see your sweet face for the first time.  I will be overwhelmed!  It will take my breath away when I hear your heartbeat on ultrasound, when I feel you move inside of me for the first time, when I get hooked up to all the machines in the hospital on the day of your birth… Because all those things will remind me that your life is about to begin.  Your life which I’ve prayed for, hoped for, dreamed of…it’s about to start.  All those things I kept hidden away in my heart will soon be a reality.  I’ll be your mommy…finally!  That day is coming for sure.  My God solidifies that for me on a daily basis!

The waiting is hard.  I cry for you.  I long for you.  Some days I don’t understand why you’re not here yet.  Most days I feel like I won’t be able to wait another cycle to see that positive pregnancy test.  I question God.  I plead with Him to PLEASE send me my babies.  Sometimes I feel like He doesn’t hear me.  But I know, deep down, that He does.  And He’s setting up the perfect life for you and me and Daddy.  The perfect timing.  If you come soon Daddy will be a resident before you have the capacity to remember all this hard stuff.  We will be living in a nice house, in a good neighborhood.  Daddy will be making enough money for us to go on nice vacations and have nice things.  You will never want for anything my darling.  Your daddy and I will be able to provide the most perfect life for you.  We are sacrificing now for YOUR future, my love.  For YOURS!

Every day I pray for you.  Every day I ask God to send you to me.  And I have faith that He will make that a reality so very soon.  I was created to be a mommy.  To be YOUR Mommy!  And I just can’t wait for the day when I can say “Hi Maggie…I’m your mommy!”  It will be such a sweet precious day!  I can’t wait to see your daddy hold you and look at you and tell you how beautiful you are.  You’ll have him wrapped around your tiny little finger in no time.  Watching him love you will make my heart so full.  He can’t wait for you to get here either!

Until that sweet, sweet day arrives…we watch and wait for you my Maggie Soutine…

Love Beyond Words,

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