Perfection Takes Time

Lately our little (or not so little!) Greysen has become a wiggle machine!  Several times a day this little dude goes to work kicking and punching and flipping around inside my belly.  There are times that it looks like something is trying to escape from my insides!  Whenever this happens I always yell for Jonathan (when he's home) like it's the first time I'm seeing it.  And he usually drops everything and runs to have yet another peak at our tiny karate master.  Seeing and feeling him move from the outside is such a unique feeling.  It's strange and wonderful all at the same time!

For years I used to get discouraged when people would say "You just can't understand until you've experienced it...".  I still get a little sad in my heart when I think about this statement in regards to the many, many women I know and love who are still in the waiting process longing to share those experiences.  But I have to say, from my new perspective, that it's completely true.  Nobody could have ever accurately described to me what it would feel like to feel my baby boy growing and moving inside my own body.  Nobody could have prepared me for the love I would feel for this itty bitty little stranger whom I've never laid eyes on for real...

Greysen is so much a part of our family now...it's almost as if he was always there.  And I suppose, on some level, he always has been.  He's been in my heart, on my mind, in my prayers, all over my journaling for years.  Long before he was even an embryo.  But each day that passes, I swear I love him even more than before.  I am still amazed at his progress and his growth.  I am still awed by his movements inside of me even though at this point they are nothing new.  Each day it becomes more and more apparent in my heart and mind that I am not merely "pregnant", but that I am carrying around a living, growing CHILD with me everywhere I go.  When I'm driving by myself, I am not alone.  My Greysen is with me!  When I am working quietly on my grad school assignments, my little Greysen is hanging out with me.  What an odd and exciting thing to really wrap my brain around!

I remember that longing feeling before I was pregnant.  How much I wanted to know what it was like to carry a child in my womb.  How desperately I wanted that experience!  My heart still hopes and hurts for my sisters in waiting.  I know what that hurt is, and I know what the emptiness feels like.  But I also know that God is good...He wants the best for you...He won't leave you hanging!  And what you think you know or can fathom about being blessed with a pregnancy and/or a baby...you just have no idea.  God is going to eventually take your breath away with His blessings when that perfect time comes for you!  And it WILL be perfect timing.  The longing for motherhood is not a societal thing...it's a spiritual thing.  God created YOUR heart to be a Mommy.  And right now this minute He is preparing your heart, preparing your body, and preparing your mind to be the most perfect mother you can be.  In the words of my husband, "Perfection takes time."  And God wants PERFECTION in your life and in the life of your child!  He's painting that masterpiece right now and I promise eventually He will start unveiling little bits of it along the way.  And when He does, you will be overwhelmed by the beauty of His plan for you.  One day you'll understand...and when you do you won't be able to put what you're feeling into words...