Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Late Pregnancy: Feeling EVERYTHING

So here I find myself...creeping up on 34 weeks pregnant.  We have a short 6ish weeks left to wait for our beautiful baby Greysen to arrive!  It is *this* point in my pregnancy that I really start feeling myself slip into a completely different state of mind than I've been in up until now. It's some combination of deliriously excited, scared to death, as prepared as I can be, and also completely unprepared all at the same time. I've read all the books, checked everything off the to do list, and after next weeks OB appointment I will be seeing her once a week and she will be checking my cervical progress. Greysen is wiggling and kicking up a storm, and he's already around 4 1/2 pounds according to my perinatologist. When I say things are getting real, I'm not sure I've ever meant it as much as I do right now today!

When I say I'm "feeling everything", I mean that physically and emotionally. Physically my body is feeling the weight of Greysen's growing little baby body. My lower back is weak, my feet, ankles, and hands have begun to swell a little every day, I am frequently short of breath, and my belly feels impossibly huge for my body. I tire easily and when I get up from a sitting position I frequently need help and ALWAYS lead with my belly (which makes me look like a pregnant lady from the movies). Greysen is long and lanky like his Daddy, which means when he really gets going with his kicking and rolling around, I feel his movements from my lower right hip ALL THE WAY up into the left side of my ribs. He has already slowly started dropping into my pelvis, which means I have to run to the little pregnant lady's room about every hour or hour and a half these days.  Each day I have clusters of Braxton-Hicks contractions where my entire lower abdomen will tighten up. There's still relatively no pain involved with them, but each time they happen I am reminded that my body is preparing to go into labor soon. And miraculously it knows what to do already!

Emotionally I am quintessentially pregnant. The other day at lunch I looked at Jonathan and said "You know I really love you," and then I burst into uncontrollable tears. The only explanation I could give was "I don't know what this is about...I'm just pregnant I guess!"  I am irritable a lot especially in the mornings, because it takes my body so much longer and requires so much more effort to get going. I simultaneously feel like I'm ready for anything this pregnancy, delivery, and this baby might throw at me, while also feeling like I am completely out of my league in all of this. When I think about labor and delivery I think "Bring it on...I can totally do this!", while also thinking "Oh. My. God. WHAT have I gotten myself into??".  When I consider how radically different our lives will look in a few short weeks I am deliriously excited, but I'm also slightly mourning the loss of time that I get to spend just me and Jonathan. Eight years of uninterrupted husband time has me all sorts of spoiled! And while I'm determined to just "bring Greysen into the fold" and have him be a beautiful extension of our love and a perfect addition to our together time, I also know it will never be the same as it is right now. I get a little misty eyed just writing that actually...

But all in all, I am ready. I KNOW I can do this. I was made for this!  My body will go into autopilot here in a few short weeks, and I will be welcoming my beautiful son into this world. Oh how I cannot wait to feel his warmth and his weight on my chest mere milliseconds after he draws his first breath. How I can't wait to smell his baby head and kiss his impossibly soft cheeks. How I wont be able to contain my joy when I look into Jonathan's eyes while we introduce ourselves to our perfect baby and know that this joy was designed just for us to experience. There will never be a more perfect, more beautiful moment in our marriage. What we have prayed for, cried for, hoped for is finally here. So while we wait with great anticipation, say some prayers and send some good vibes our way. My how intensely our lives will be changed in just a matter of days...

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