He Conquers Who Endures

If you at all know my husband, you know that he is a hopeless perfectionist. That perfectionism, in some ways, has served him well in these last 5 years that he has been pursuing an MD. It has pushed him to reach goals that others could not achieve. It has inspired him to reach for his best when it seemed like what he was reaching for was unattainable.  Jonathan is a 33 year old second career medical student who is within months of becoming a doctor. He has far surpassed everything I have ever envisioned about this process. He makes me proud every single day. Medical school is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the weak of spirit. It is not for those who give up when the going gets tough. The only people who can say they are months away from obtaining an MD are those who got knocked off their horse a time or two and saddled back up again. For those who saw the impossible odds that they were up against and suited up anyway. For those who know that despite what the "statistics" say, they can rise above the norm. Jonathan is that man...

The determination in his voice that I heard in early January 2010 when he told me that he was supposed to be a doctor was such that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the end result of this "impossible" endeavor was going to be victorious. He wants this. He has put forth the effort to achieve this. And now 6 1/2 years later, he DESERVES this...

How many impossibly difficult hurdles has he scaled in these 6 1/2 years while he was pursuing this?  Countless. Selling a home. Moving to two separate foreign countries. Holding me up while I struggled through infertility and tackling IVF with me perfectly in sync. Battling through life with epilepsy. Holding my hand as I gave birth to our son. Becoming a daddy and helping his son experience the world. Hearing the news of the passing of his beloved grandfather. Watching his mother be met head on with a life-changing diagnosis and holding her hand as she drew her last breaths. I could go on. Those are simply the ones many of you have known about...

If you only know Jonathan by name or through my anectdotes about him or if you met him for the first time today you would never guess that those experiences have punctuated his medical school career. You would never know that he's not your typical medical student. You would never know what he gave up to achieve this. You would never know how truly hard he's worked for this...

But, friends, my husband is so far beyond typical. My husband is several cuts above typical in so many ways. He possesses character, fortitude, and grace that is absent in most. He has persevered through some of life's most difficult "lemons" and he's about to toast it all with some pretty amazing lemonade.  I know I am wholly biased, but I don't care. Jonathan Womack is amazing and I am incredibly lucky that I'm the woman he chose to do life with...

So here we are...mere weeks away from the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next. You know when you read a great book and those final pages are so riveting and intense that you stay up until 3:00 AM turning pages just to see what happens next?  How the hero of the story isn't "out of the woods" yet, but you hope and pray that the victory you've envisioned for them is the reality you'll celebrate when you reach the end of the story?  That's where we are. One month from tomorrow we will submit those residency applications and that will be that. But in four weeks time, Jonathan will take two board exams, finish a sub-internship in Internal Medicine, and complete his applications. He is so incredibly apprehensive about the test he will take on Thursday. He has postponed this test now twice as life kept punching him in the face right before it was time to take it. The first test date he had was May 26th...Bernice left us on May 28th. Thank the lord he chose to postpone it!  

But here he is met with this seemingly impossible hurdle. His perfectionism now is holding him back. It's telling him that maybe this will be the thing that keeps him from becoming Dr. Jonathan Womack, MD. It's terrifying. No amount of communicating my encouragement and the faith I have in him is translating to him having confidence that he can do this. I know that he can. That he will. But life has dealt him a pretty awful sucker punch in the last 2 1/2 months and it's left him feeling like maybe all of this was for naught...

But he's suiting up anyway guys. He's pressing forward, both barrels loaded, and he's gonna do this thing. He takes this test in 4 days. He's stressed, exhausted, and mentally and emotionally drained. His practice test scores have left him feeling defeated. He feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. His perfectionism, this time, tells him that this test might beat him. I know it won't.  I am apprehensive too, but I know he will come out victorious...

Now is not the time that God says "Ha!  Sorry. You suck and you're done."  On the contrary I think this is when God says "Stand back. Let me show you what I've been doing."  I think now is when Jonathan grinds out these final days of studying, walks into that testing center, and his efforts align with God's ultimate plan. Now is when he defeats that giant even though he feels tiny in comparison...even though he only has a pebble to throw...even when victory requires that pebble to strike the most perfect spot with the most imperfect of methods.  Now is when God's power is made perfect in Jonathan's weakness...

So would you pray for him today?  Tomorrow?  Thursday?  Would you stop what you're doing and rally for him?  Would you be his army?  He needs it. Pray for strength, calm, endurance, perseverance, knowledge recall, CONFIDENCE. Pray that God grants him grace...that he receives what he's worked for...what he deserves. He can do this. He WILL do this...

"He conquers who endures. ~Persius"