Choosing Joy

So here we are rounding out yet another year. How can 2017 be coming to a close already??  I feel like I say that every year. How did 365 days go by so quickly?  2017 has been only marginally less brutal than 2016 was. 2017 started with the loss of a “more like family” friend, continued with a giant road block on our road to an MD, stumbled through a literal ropes course of nonsense on our way to then losing my sweet Mimol, followed by suffering a miscarriage, and then starting our December with my best friend having major abdominal surgery to remove a golf ball sized small cell carcinoma from her kidney. Sheesh. Uncle already 2017...

If I sit here and dwell on the negative aspects of this year, I could really go down a rabbit hole y’all. I could cry and cry about how awful life has been. How uncaring and unfeeling some people have been in the midst of all of it. How the end of this year looks SO radically different than I thought it would. Maybe radically different than I hoped it would. Or...

I can lay here and marvel at the GOOD. I can set my mind on the perfect orchestration God has laid out for this year. How incredibly GRATEFUL I am that I didn’t  have to try and  navigate all of these difficult circumstances with Jonathan working 80+ hours a week in a residency like he was “supposed to”.  How blessed I am that he and I are a TEAM and we navigate the messiness of life TOGETHER. How perfectly perfect he is for me...

I can be content in the love and support that has been poured out on me and my family as volley after volley of difficulties have come our way. My heart can swell at the thought of how incredible our friends and community and family have been. How they’ve been our backbone...our rock!  How 2017 has just been punctuated and defined over and over and over again by the generosity and selfless love of the people we have surrounded ourselves with. How our cups run over with gratitude for the people we “do life with”...

I can continue to be shocked and totally pumped at where A Different Kind of Flair  has gone in the last 7 months. From 80 pairs of fundraiser earrings turning into $1,600 donated to the American Cancer Society in honor of Bernice, Sharon, and Debbie to a shocking number  in total sales since July that makes me blush when it pops up on my calculator. How blessed I am by my customer base and how happy I am that a dream is slowly becoming a reality. Pushing through firewalls and glass ceilings on the way to things I NEVER would have imagined could be possible for this little “hobby turned Business”. And how freaking excited Bernice would be at where it is headed!

I can remember how much my Mimol LOVED this time of year and think of how excited she would be to see my house all decorated for Christmas. How elated she would have been to see some of her pieces and her recipes used on our Thanksgiving table. How I can  hear her sweet alto voice singing among the voices of my own church’s choir...

I can smile at the fact that this is the second Christmas in a row I have helped Charlie decorate his house for the season. How happy it would have made Bernice to tell all the stories of all the things coming out of those boxes. How content she would be knowing Christmas would be spent at HER house. I can marvel at the little pieces of her that I see in Greysen. Her curled smile, her love for books and music, that little twinkle in her eye. How my heart breaks and soars at the same time when I think about how happy she would be to watch Jonathan and I raise our family...

I can rejoice in the fact that my sweet Sara is RECOVERING and not requiring chemo after her surgery. I can cheer because I know that this hasn’t taken any time away from the two of us and our future of shenanigans. How happy I am that she can say she’s beat this soon. How excited I am that tonight she is HOME, and she got to see the snow in Houston!  My heart is warmed knowing she’s watching Christmas movies by her fire at home in her beautiful house...

I can feel those same butterflies of excitement when I remember getting to tell my grandmother mere days before she passed that I was giving her great grand baby #10. I can remember the joy of that positive pregnancy test!  And I can kiss my sweet Greysens cheeks and further marvel at the miracle that is his life. Like Mimol always said...he’s my miracle baby!  How special he is to me, to Jonathan, to our family. And what an amazing big brother he WILL be when our time comes again...

While the sting of loss hits hard this year on so many levels, and our “new normal” continues to evolve with the absence of Bernice and Mimol, I can still sit in my living room and honestly say “It is well with my soul”.  The warm glow of our family Christmas tree, the smell of fresh pine, the anticipation of a super fun family vacation to Disney World in a few weeks!  There is so much MORE I have to be grateful, thankful, and HAPPY about than anything else. I’m taking a stand for JOY this year in the midst of pain and uncertainty. And make no mistake y’all...it’s absolutely a CHOICE. I choose joy!  I choose to see the happiness in my little boys face as he grasps a little more deeply the true meaning of Christmas. Christ came to earth because he couldn’t bear the separation. He craved NEARNESS to us just as we crave nearness to each other and to Him. So in these coming weeks, I will bring my family close. We will sit in the warmth of our house, tell stories and remember  our Bernice and Mimol and everyone else we are missing this Christmas, and be near to each other. 2017 threw us yet another bushel of lemons. But we’re still making lemonade y’all...