This week has FLOWN by...I knew it would...but I've tried to take some time to kind of soak it all in. I've let myself take naps when I would otherwise just push through. I've made myself stop working at 9:00 when I take these shots and I spend a few minutes in my glider after I take them just to woosah for a minute. Greysen has taken to "helping Daddy" give Mommy shots. We give him a little empty syringe plunger without the sharp. He wipes an alcohol wipe on my belly and says "Right here Mommy?" and then he says "It make noise again Mommy, but you feel better." Then he pats the place he gave me a "shot". It is not lost on me what a beautiful picture that is. My little living, breathing miracle playing a role in this process. His little tiny fingers gently caring for me, and his tender little heart being concerned about me. I saw him when his entire "self" could fit on the head of a pin. And now here he is being a part of every step of the same process that brought him to us. It's really just...beautiful...
Tonight I got to looking at my lower belly where I've been getting at least one injection a night for 3 weeks now. There are little "poke holes" in my belly and some tiny little bruises. That's to be expected in a process like this. My body kind of goes through the gauntlet on the way to a hopeful pregnancy. It's worth every stick and every discomfort, though, and I would do this 10 times if it meant I could have a miracle even half as incredible as my Greysen is. But tonight I noticed that those expected "poke holes" are interspersed among my tiny little stretch marks from pregnancy. Evidence of the beautiful life I carried in my belly for 37 1/2 weeks. Evidence that this process has worked. Evidence that God has been faithful. It was a little reminder that there is more to this than a few uncomfortable pokes and procedures for a few weeks. It was a beautifully poignant picture of my strength and my vulnerability all intermingled together. The body is incredible. The things that God designed it to do are just awe inspiring. And I am not at all unaware of what a GIFT it is that I get to see this process step by tiny step. While there was a time that I felt resentful of the fact that we were going to have to go through this process again if we wanted to further grow our family, tonight I was reminded what a true BLESSING that is. I can tell my babies that I saw them when they were so microscopic you couldn't see them without a specialized microscope. I knew the MINUTE they were embryos and I saw the EXACT MOMENT that they were placed inside my body. It's miraculous y'all...no way around it. It's truly something beautiful...
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