This Strange Peace...

About this time 4 years ago, we were right at the beginning of this IVF process for the very first time.  I remember feeling anxious and nervous and excited.  Every time I thought about the "next step" I would get a major adrenaline rush followed by a jittery excitement.  The process consumed my life and my thoughts and my time.  That's not to say that peace wasn't being prayed for by me and on my behalf.  That's not to say I wasn't hyper aware of God's presence and His provisions then.  But there was most definitely a different emotional vibe to that first process than there is this time around...

And I frequently find myself thinking, "Ok...how should I feel about the fact that I'm NOT constantly worrying or fretting or getting those adrenaline rushes all the time?"  It's as though my heart and soul are at complete serenity about this process, but my mind keeps second guessing this strange peace I feel.  My mind says "Maybe you feel this way because it's not going to work"...and then my heart says "Nope Rach...don't go there."  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what happens with this cycle...even if it DOESN'T end in the pregnancy we are hoping and dreaming and praying for...I know I can trust my God.  I can trust Him to be the Master of the details and I can just be the beloved daughter of the King of the World...

When I close my eyes and picture what my relationship with my Lord would look like if He were living and breathing and physically here on this earth with me, I picture His mighty arm looped through mine.  I hear Him saying, "We got this girl.  Come on!".  I feel His unfailing strength and love and provision and I KNOW He has an incredible plan that is only just now beginning to unfold.  I know He is near.  So close, in fact, that He is speaking audibly to me through His Word and through my "tribe" of people. Through YOU!  Many of you probably have no idea, but on a daily basis I hear from at least one of you  about this IVF process and your words are a sweet balm to my heart a soul.  They are a reminder that my God and Savior loves me, He is present, and HE CARES!  I haven't even had a moment to fret about the "what ifs" because He keeps providing those frequent oases through your words of love and encouragement.  Goodness how He loves me and how precious my sweet relationships with YOU are!  My cup runs over...

So as we barrel right into this weekend and this next week of monitoring, I feel peace and serenity.  At my core, I feel a complete composed calmness about this cycle.  I am praying that that serenity translates to beautiful and healthy Womack Embabies.  And of course we pray fervently...we plead...that we would have the great privilege of holding and raising and KNOWING at least one of those sweet embabies on this earth.  But no matter what, I trust my God completely.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me.  He intends to answer my prayers and fulfill the desires of my heart.  And I KNOW He wants the absolute best life has to offer us.  So I'm resting on His promises, His provisions, and His wholly REAL presence...

Wait with us.  Pray with us.  Hope with us!