So I have about 6 posts that are already written and slated to be published, but tonight I found myself inspired to write about hope. Tonight my heart was moved by the hurting and longing hearts of some of my dear friends here in Dominica and I realized something about where I am in my journey...
Many many moons ago at a summer church camp, we did a "Stations of the Cross" walk. We started at the top of this big hill and were asked to pick up a rock. No parameters on this request. Just pick up any rock. I picked up a medium sized one, some people were kind of tongue in cheek and picked up teeny little pebbles, and my friend Mike picked up a stinkin' boulder. What they didn't tell us was that we would have to carry that rock throughout the walk. For me, it was no problem. For those people who picked up the teeny pebbles, it was even easier. For my friend Mike, by the time he got down to the river where we were asked to lay our rocks down, he was literally having to carry the darn thing on his back. All throughout the walk he was laboring over this thing. Situating it this way and that...trying to find a comfortable position to carry it in...shifting it's enormous weight in his arms. When we were asked to lay our rocks down, I tossed mine at the foot of the wooden cross and turned to help a very tired Mike lay his down. We debriefed after the experience and one of the "parallels" that I arrived at in that moment really hit home for me. It's a concept that has stuck with me ever since...
You see, my "burden" in that moment was small. It was manageable. I could so very easily lay it down with minimal effort. But if *I* had had a giant boulder to have to maneuver, I would never have been able to help Mike lay his burden down. At that point in my life I had a manageable burden...and I could help literally shoulder the weight with Mike...
In the past 5 years I have wondered so many many times *why* we had to go through this. What was this season of wait/weight all about? What was there to gain from this experience? Why all the hurt and pain and struggle? Well my friends, because while my burden was heavy, I was being strengthened. I was having to (am still having to) rely on others to help me lay my burdens down. I've needed shoulders to cry on. I've needed sounding boards to rant to. I've needed words of encouragement. I've needed help shouldering all this hurt...all these questions. And my cup overflows when I think of how many people have taken part in helping me lay my massive boulder down at the cross...
Last Thursday we bought our last plane tickets to leave Dominica (we're leaving in May). This weekend some sweet words were shared between myself and a somewhat "estranged" friend...God has healed that fractured relationship and my heart is full of joy because of that. Just yesterday we got word that one of our major potential road blocks to this whole IVF process has been "demolished". God is good y'all...ALL THE TIME! So for right now...today...my burden is so very light. And God allowed that to happen in just the right time. Because tonight God needed my heart to bear part of the burdens for my sweet friends. He needed me to be able to pray and offer words of unadulterated encouragement to them...he needed part of my heart to hurt for them...
I have been in seasons where my burden was too heavy to cast off and help another. Even just last week I was feeling pretty burdened by all of this. I was letting my fears of failure cloud my excitement for what might be. I was letting my anxiety about what could go wrong get in the way of grasping that wellspring of Hope. And I was feeling pretty beat down. This weekend I got refilled with that Hope. And I'm here to tell you, even though Jonathan and I are *still* not on the other side of this battle of infertility, that I PROMISE THERE IS HOPE!
For whatever you're going through. There is Hope for a better future for you and your family. There is Hope for a better job if you're looking for one..a better situation. There is Hope. I promise it's there. I can't tell you how long you'll have to wait for that open door. For that "yes". For that positive. I don't know how many more heartaches you'll have to endure before you get there. But I *do* know that if your burden is like a giant boulder right now... If you're shifting it's weight...trying to find a way to carry it...slinging it onto your own shoulders just to get a second of relief... If your burden is too heavy to carry by yourself, let someone help you lay it down at the cross. Let someone else help you grab hold of that Wellspring. And believe me when I tell you that there is HOPE for this in your life...
"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions...wait for Hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also worlds tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard...in throwing roadblocks in the way..." -- Lamentations 3:25-33 (MSG)
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