If you know me, you know the prospect of having to sit still for 3-5 days and do nothing is seemingly impossible. But for the last nearly 72 hours I've been doing just that. I've worn a butt imprint into this nice cozy chair in the living room and Jonathan and I have been watching college football and a marathon of Downton Abbey non-stop. He's been cooking for me and caring for my every need and scolding me for standing for too long. He tells me, "Sit yourself down in that chair and rest your pelvis!" which is exactly what has been prescribed...
On Friday morning I had this crazy super real seeming dream between those moments of sleeping and waking. I heard what sounded like 2 people at my bedroom door banging and yelling, "Today is the day! How can you still be sleeping?!" It was so vivid and convincing that I waited excitedly all day to see what all the fuss was about. The only other time I've had such a vivid experience like that was the Morning I Knew. Surely this was the same thing but with a happy ending this time!
But I was terrified and also confused and disappointed when the only thing Friday brought was my first bout of spotting. Seriously God?! A friend of mine, before she heard about the spotting, messaged me and said "What if today is the day they implanted? Does it take that long??". Jonathan reassured me that this could totally be implantation bleeding. He was actually excited! I tried to push all the what ifs out of my mind. Focus on the positives:
1) It was only slightly pink and the tiniest little bit...that's gotta count for something
2) I wasn't experiencing any cramps at all
3) Since I'm taking progesterone shots, spotting before an impending period is pretty unlikely
Steadily over the last few days, the spotting has nearly stopped and it was only pink the one time. Sorry if that's a little TMI, but us TTC ladies read a lot into all this stuff! I could sit here and say this is exactly how it's been every time I've been ready to start a period, but it's not. Every time before, including the times I've been on progesterone, once it turns pink, it turns steadily more and more pink and then eventually red and then eventually Aunt Flo ensues. Dr. Hansen did up my progesterone by 0.5 ml just in case. That doesn't seem to really be contributing much to the spotting, so I'm hoping that Jonathan's suggestion that it's implantation spotting is true. That wouldn't stop just from increased progesterone...
So from now until Thursday I'm sitting on my butt. Which SUPER hard to do seeing as Jonathan and I are prepping to move to Miami. Got an email THIS MORNING saying Jonathan has to report in Miami at 8:00 AM on Monday morning!! So no matter what, positive or negative, Jonathan will be going without me I'm afraid. I'll have to have a follow up appointment the following week if it's negative. And if it's positive (fingers crossed!), I'll have to stay here until I'm at least 8 weeks along. Judging by this spotting, I'm assuming Dr. Hansen will probably want me to stay put until at least 10 weeks along. But we are trying to live in the now as much as we can. Everything, literally everything, hinges on Thursday's test. It's both exciting and also nerve wracking. As it's been all along I suppose...
Keep praying or us and for our little ones. I've been trying to remind myself and claim those promises He's made and also claim how faithful He's been through this whole process. I still find it hard to believe this will end like it always has...in failure, but there's definitely that possibility. Trying to keep my eyes on Him. Not try and see the future...as much as I'd like to. So when we come to your mind, send our names up to God please! And conjure up our little embabies too...they need plenty of prayers and pep talks...they've got a big job to do!
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