Expecting a baby brings on other worries, though. And if you know me, you know I'm a worrier. I'm fairly certain it runs in my genes. I think I'm maybe the only one of the 4 of us in my immediate family that got the worry gene, but let me tell ya...I got it full force. So this week I've been worrying about a myriad of things...
1) Our clunker of a car, which was all we could afford to buy, decided to blow a turn rod on Saturday. It is our one car. And the cost to repair it is nearly $800. Commence worrying...
2) It's the end of the semester, therefor the end of our money. This is nothing new. Happens every semester since we are 2 people living on money meant to last 1 person 4 months. Add in medical expenses. Commence worrying...
3) We are temporarily living in a room in our landlord's house. We have limited access to the kitchen, and we sleep on two twin beds pushed together. I want to start putting together the HOME we will bring our little one home to, even though I know May is still 6 months away. I am anxious about finding the right place, in the right neighborhood, with enough space. I am anxious to get our stuff out of storage and in our possession again. Commence worrying...
And on, and on, and on. It's always hard to center myself when this feeling sets in, even though the precedent that has been set is that no matter how worried or stressed we get in times like these, things always seem to work out. And Jonathan and I are resourceful. I always find work, find ways to save, etc., and we make it just fine into the next semester. This is nothing new. Though the prospect of adding a baby into the mix...well sometimes the reality of that is a little heavy for me. Even though I know in my heart that God will provide for us and our little nugget. In May, no matter how poor we may or may not be, we will have our sweet precious perfect baby to be in awe of. And all will be right in the world...even if for only a little while...
Sometimes the only thing that talks me off my ledge is reminding myself that we are on the downhill slope of this "being poor" thing. We are 30 months or less away from beginning a residency. Making money, big money (at least for us), that we won't have to eventually pay back. I am well aware that residency income is not "great" income. But coming from 6+ years of little to nothing, a residency income will feel like we are millionaires. And our sweet baby won't remember these years of struggling. By the time this baby has the capacity to store memories, Jonathan will be in a residency. Long hours at the hospital will be short lived, and we will no longer be living on student loans. Oh man, that picture helps me take a deep breath and center. Just a few more years, just a few more semesters, and our world will change forever in 6 months. This is what was meant for us. This is our path. This is our journey. And even though I may not be all that graceful while I'm walking it, I'm committed to doing this right, doing right by my sweet baby, and coming out of this successful. In 10 years we will look back on these years and say, "We just wouldn't be the same if we hadn't gone through that..."
Just keep swimming...
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