Monday, July 28, 2014

Forgiveness for "Bad Behavior"

Last night I took my first injection.  No was just a subcutaneous Lupron injection so I barely felt it at all.  But something tells me these next 4 weeks are going to fly by now that we've started this part of all of this.  I've only got 7 more birth control pills to take and then that part will be over.  Though it's a little daunting to think I'll be getting a shot every day for the next 30 days and on some days I'll be taking up to 5 shots at a time.  Yikes!  It'll all be worth it I know...

A sweet friend of mine asked me Saturday if I was ready for our IVF process to really start.  And I told her that I couldn't really pinpoint how I was feeling.  It's part nervous, part excited, but really what makes it so hard to verbalize is that I'm feeling really peaceful about it.  It's almost like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop because I'm so relaxed going into this process.  I definitely think that's by design...

God has really been giving me the "I Told You So" lately.  He's reminding me of all those times I cried and screamed at Him for not hearing me and not answering my prayers.  He's showing me how He has so perfectly orchestrated this situation and how long He's been working on it.  He brought people into my life 12-18 years ago who were designed specifically to be part of my support system today.  How incredible is that??  He's been behind the scenes all along just working out this perfect scenario for us.  My heart skips a beat when I remember how my friend Sarah W. and I met in college.  How at the time it was such a crazy easy relationship to fall into.  How it was almost as though we were cut from the same mold!  And now today how, despite my screw ups along the way and my "bad friend behavior" in my more immature years, God has STILL worked things for good.  He brought her back into my life, restored our friendship, and made her one of my cornerstone supporters.  Be still my heart...oh how my God loves me!

He has forgiven me for my "bad sister behavior" too and has brought my Amanda back into my life in such a HUGELY impactful way. heart can't contain all these blessings y'all.  I don't know what today would look like if I wasn't getting my daily Amanda fix.  And I seriously don't know if I would have such a perfect peace about moving forward with all of this if my relationship with her was as fractured as it was just a short few months ago.  He is a God of restoration...a God of second chances...and He works ALL things for good.  He let me grow through all of this and right now today I am more prepared...more ready to be a mommy than I ever have been.  Piece by piece He is righting the wrongs and forgiving my imperfections and loving me just so perfectly.  What more could I ask for??

So shot by shot, pill by pill, day by day...we are just walking through these open doors.  I thank God every day for what He has already done and what He is going to do in these coming weeks.  I'm excited to move forward.  It's a little surreal to think that in 3 weeks time we'll be getting calls about our little embabies in the lab.  I can't tell you how pumped I am about that.  My little babies will be growing...we've waited SOOOO long for this!

So say prayers for peace for me and Jonathan.  He also will be taking his medical board exam on August 10th, so prayers for that are much appreciated as well.  August will be a big month for us y'all!  And while you're at it, don't forget to thank God for what He WILL do in YOUR life.  If it's anything like what He's doing in mine right now, He deserves as much thanks as you can muster...

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