Monday, December 8, 2014

I Made You from Scratch...

I was watching an old episode of Grey's Anatomy the other day and one of the patients was talking about how her mother always told her to "be careful, I made that body from scratch".  I've watched that episode before, but I heard that monologue with new ears this time.  It never ceases to amaze me how incredible it is that each and every day Greysen grows a little bigger, a little stronger, a little more advanced inside my belly.  It's just incredible.

When he gets here, each little finger, each tiny toe, his little beating heart, his adorable little eyes, his pudgy little baby bottom...all those things were knit together inside of ME!  If that's not mind blowing, I don't know what is.  I'm in the process of "making this kid from scratch".  From one microscopic egg being joined with one microscopic sperm.  From this (I think Greysen is the top embryo in this pic):

To this:

In just 17 weeks!  Can it really be true that my little boy, just a short 4 1/2 months ago, was simply a tiny bubble filled with 6 cells?  And now he has legs that kick me, hands that he bunches under his chin, lips that he pooches out just like his Daddy, a beating heart, a functioning brain.  No way!  The creation of life is simply miraculous.  There is no other way to describe it.  That my body grows to make more room for my baby, that my hormones tell my blood vessels to relax so more blood can be pushed through my body to nourish my Greysen, that my body grows an entire new organ simply for the purpose of sustaining the life of my child while he grows safely in my womb...if that's not miraculous, I don't know what is.  

I just can't get over how incredible this whole process has been.  Growing a human being is TOUGH work.  It really is.  It's exhausting, it's nausea inducing, it's uncomfortable.  But every time I feel wiped out, every time I dry heave or puke, every time my round ligaments feel like tiny daggers in my lower belly...each time those things happen I'm reminded that these 40 weeks are not about me.  Everything I do, everything I eat, everything regarding my health is about Greysen.  It's about keeping him healthy, keeping him comfortable, and sacrificing my body so that he can have life.  Giving everything that I have physically, emotionally, mentally, so that my baby boy grows strong and handsome and healthy.  It's what my body was created for, what my heart was created for.  I was made for this.  

When he is here in my arms, words won't be able to describe how overwhelmingly blessed I will feel.  He is already beautifully handsome, already has an adorable personality, he is already a miraculous creation of his Father.  And when he is here for real...I can't even wrap my brain around it!  I've been feeling him move for several weeks now, but just this week I've been able to even see it from the outside sometimes!  It makes it even more real that I've got a tiny baby in my belly right now.  I love to watch him on ultrasound, because when he hears me talking or laughing he visibly relaxes.  He snuggles those hands up by his face and gets still.  It's almost like he's thinking, "I don't know what this ultrasound thing is, but as long as I can still hear my Mama, I know I'm safe."  And I intend to keep him safe for as long as there is breath in my body...

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